A life of love

A life of love
Everyone should have a Great Pyrenees

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A rambling update and serious pondering...

This is an update I sent to an email chain I am on of adoptive moms. After I put it together, I decided there were things that I just wanted to say in general. I am feeling somewhat incoherent right now, so I hope this makes sense. I am emotional, overwhelmed, grateful, in love with my kids and family, and in general in the midst of our own personal storm, though not meaning it is bad. So, here goes:

The kids are adapting well - the boys have done wonderfully, jumping in with both feet and really are doing great. Aman's (13) health (remember he was the reason the kids were medically evacuated from Ethiopia - the adoption and visa process got rushed and what should take three months took only three weeks) has been fabulous! His diabetes is actually doing quite well, though it appears he is still in honeymoon - meaning that his body likely still produces some insulin - as the autoimmune portion progresses his pancreas beta cells will lose the ability to make insulin, but right now it is quite easy to care for him. Aben (Ben) is 9 and just a pip! All boy and a total imp, in a good way.

Tsion (10) she came with the least amount of English and a diagnosis of epilepsy. Well, in the process of getting that evaluated here, we think we have found the source of her seizures. She has fluid build up in the ventricles of her brain and they are about a third larger than they should be, from the quick glimpse of the CT scan that I got. It is good and bad having such a medical and neuroanatomy background! I knew from what I saw on the CT scan that things were abnormal. A couple hours later the doctor was very direct with me and we are preparing for multiple MRIs next week then a meeting with the neurosurgeon to determine how to best help her. We have been told that it is very likely that she will need a shunt.

I had my freak out mama time last night after everyone was in bed and am calm and relaxed about it now. Just needed to process emotionally for a bit.

If you could keep her health in prayer as we work through this, I would so appreciate it. I feel like this kid complaining to God - we asked that he heal her or prove that it wasn't truly epilepsy or something, but brain surgery was not really what I had in mind. Like I know better than God??? I hate to think what would have happened to her had we not been called to adopt her. I just cannot go there, because I do know what would have happened. Permanent brain damage and loss of function and possibly death. God had a plan and had this all under control all along.

And given the issues/accidents that dh Steve and oldest bio daughter Kiley have had this year, we only have office copays, no more family deductible or out of pocket expenses for the year. So, God had it entirely in control.

And another praise - Tsion has been the toughest nut to crack, but she and I have had many breakthroughs in the last week and she is now beginning to talk to me, to ask for help, and to be open to relationship with us. She is well bonded to our youngest bio daughter who is close in age to her, and is now expanding to me and initiating interaction. Not too bad for 13 days! I am thrilled as I can see emerging the bubbly little girl that we saw in her video. I am so excited and no longer fear. I look forward to many years of being blessed to be her mama.

The boys - well, they seem to have no concern - we are their family, I am their mom, they come to me and dad and siblings, but maybe all girls are different. Our adoption of older boys (twice now) seems that they seem to adapt so much faster - it is all about action and interaction and busy and all that. Girls I am thinking may be more complex (oh, duh!). But we are seeing our little flower bloom a bit at a time.

God is so good. Who but He could have orchestrated this? We weren't going to adopt three originally, just the brothers. In prayer I saw three. We struggled to pick a third from the waiting children, but when Kiley saw the video, the child who most opposed the adoption of a girl and another child, she spoke God's words, that this child belongs in our home. And now I shudder to think what might have happened to my sweet daughter had she not come here. I hate to think of what we might ask her to go through, but know that there is hope and a future for her and maybe even healing.

We are in the moment of seeing God's hand work it's way out. I just find myself frozen as I can see the fingerprints all over this. Thank you God, you saved this child. We thought we were saving Aman. Turns out the child we were saving wasn't the one we thought. Aman and Kiley saved their sister. If Aman's lab results had not been abnormal they would not have been medically evacuated. Turns out he is fine (praise God), but Tsion might not have had that time. I have no idea how much time there is before this could/would have really impacted more or what would have happened, but I suspect, given the doctor's urgency and concern that time is of the essence. Kiley spoke the words, Aman sped things up. Two children may have saved their sister more than either Steve or I could have. That is God. Only God. Can we say "humbled"? Steve and I set out to do good (and reap the blessings of parenthood - selfish certainly). But we had no idea of what God called into being. We literally had nothing to do with that. We just did each thing as we were asked, just as we continue to do. And we are blessed to see God's plan unfold. I don't even think that we can say we were instruments - though maybe that is what it is - we had no knowledge of what we might have been doing, as it turns out. What we thought we were doing, was not what we were. The help we planned to give was not only what was needed. There was more to it. The situation we thought was pretty straightforward and simple, has turned out to be the most complex and needful. We had nothing to do with this.

Okay, enough tears. I am just processing a lot right now.

Hang in there all of you who are waiting on this adoption journey. God truly has this under control and His way may not turn out the way you thought. His way may have had an entirely different purpose that you might only see in retrospect.

Oh the ways of God. Someday I hope he lets me see this entire tapestry, not just the individual threads we weave.
Thanks for all the support. Look for God's fingerprints, they are there. They are SO VERY much there. Stand firm where God has called you, wherever that might be. Thanks for walking this journey with us. I hope somehow it benefits someone else.

God's blessings,
mom to the great eight
wife to the greatest man


gbmom2407 said...

God is so good!
I love your new family picture!

HisPrincess said...

Christy... I had not even considered how all of this might be perceived by Tsion. Please know that we will be praying for peace in her heart and understanding as she goes through these various medical procedures. God's timing is perfect! Our medical capabilities are amazing! We're believing God to work it all together for His continued glory! Blessings, my friend! :-) Becky