A life of love

A life of love
Everyone should have a Great Pyrenees

Friday, June 17, 2011

How bad do you want it?

There is nothing racy about this post - just to cover that first thing.  Well, not exactly, not in that way.  Oh, you will see what I mean.

Today, JDRF (Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation) put on Camp Endeavor in Green Bay for kids with Type 1 diabetes and their parents.  I went with Aman and Kiley.  We haven't gone to this one before, we have been to many, many other JDRF events.  Honestly, they have been a great support as we have walked this road with the disease our kids deal with.  Great group (I have to admit though that I am very happy they have backed off significantly on the whole embryonic stem cell research thing - I have to admit I had serious moral concerns about that).  Anyway, not only did we get together with other kids and families, have a simple lunch, spent time together, but we got to meet with all the vendors (insulin pumps, meters, etc).  I feel like I know the rep for Medtronic MiniMed really well - I should invite him and his family over for a grill out!!!  Anyway, it was a great event.

The neatest thing is that they had Jay Hewitt here to speak to kids and parents.  Jay is an Ironman Triathlete with Type 1 diabetes. Finish LIne Vision Videos - he has more than one video, and I would recommend listening to them all.  (I heard a rumor that he is writing a book, and if he is, I really want to get it when it comes out.) That he is an athlete and has diabetes is very meaningful to me and my kids.  Not only does he live with the disease, but he excels and is able to do things that most of us would never dream of.  Not only just the basic athletic stuff - that is wild enough on it's own, but as we know, diabetes affects how the body works and exercise can really affect blood sugars, and blood sugars affect how well the body performs at a given moment.   Well, his speaking really talks about setting goals that have "failure potential".  Think about that.  Set a goal that you could just as likely not be able to complete.  And then work at it.  It is perfectly OK to fail if you have given it your all.  You will get farther than if you had never tried.

I know all this.  I really do.  But in the midst of a trying day - we had several other stressors going on, it was just what I needed to hear.  He had four points and I don't recall all of them (I will be going back and listening to his videos again).  But I was really struck by one story.  He told of having had several triathalons that he hadn't been able to finish for one reason or another, and having trained for two years on it, he got the the final leg, the marathon portion, and half way done with that, it all just hurt.  He had been just passed by two elite runners who waved him forward to "come on and run with us" (in a kind way too), and he just was really struggling.  His coach was at a point in the sidelines, and simply leaned forward and yelled to him, "How bad do you want it?".  How bad do you want to finish this, how bad do you want to achieve your goal of being on that platform as an elite runner, how bad do you want to do what you want to do?  Do you want it enough to work through whatever it takes?  How bad do you want it?

I felt like the world just stopped for me.  How bad do I want it?  How bad do I want to do a good job raising my kids, being a wife, keeping my house well, sharing my faith and my passions, writing, serving others, whatever?  How bad do I want it?  Badly enough to do what it takes, set my goals, make my priorities and let nothing stand in my way?  What is that important to me?  And if it isn't that important, should it be on my list? If something is important, or I want to be able to do it (like write like I keep talking about), then is it worth risking that failure?  If I haven't dreamed something big enough that I could fail at it, then I am not reaching far enough.  I am not challenging myself, or allowing myself to grow enough.

If I do it and don't achieve it, well, look how far I got by working at it.  Farther than I ever would have gotten if I had not even tried.  How many times do we not attempt things simply because the odds of success seem so stacked against us?  I have to admit that I am very guilty of this.  I chose things that I could likely succeed or I know that I want bad enough to try almost die for.  But those other things, the things that seem riskier - ah, not so much.  What if no one likes it but me?  What if?  What if?????

But if I never try, then I am consigning myself to whatever I allow fate to dictate.

I am sick of having my life/finances determined by others - so do I want to control it bad enough?  Do I want it bad enough?  To take a risk?  To try?  To take control of those reins?  If I want to control my destiny, my life, then I had better be about it, hadn't I?

I don't know if I have the courage to share my goals.  Because that would take courage.  Because then others besides me would know what I want to do, and at great risk of failure.  That is a pride thing.

I have always wanted to be an author.  I love the printed word.  I love to enter another world, to experience things that I cannot in my own mundane life.  I just simply love it.  I love to write, to create, to dream.  I would love to provide something for my family by doing this.  I would love for it to allow me to be home and writing.  That kills two birds with one stone.  I want to control (as much as I can) my own destiny.  I don't want to be an employee.  Not that I don't like working for others, but I can only do what I can do.  I want to provide, doing what I love, security for us all.

I love serving others, and I obviously am very passionate about children and children with disabilities.  Twenty some years as a therapist, and I still love it.  I love it most when I work with the children - my spirit soars.  And I love my horses.  I love seeing the connection between kids and horses.  I want to be a hippotherapist - speech therapist who works with kids and horses.  I have seen such miracles - whether it is the motivation, the muscle work, the requirements, but something about the two together is just spellbinding.  I know how to do this.  I have used my pets before in therapy and seen huge strides in the children I work with.  So, that means that I should pursue certification.  Seriously, I have horses - am becoming a seasoned horse owner, have at least one child that wants a career with horses, and love to see the interaction and know how to use it to help the kids I see.  How badly do I want it?  How badly do I want to use my skills and passions?  Hmmm...  I would much rather determine my own destiny and employment and serve others in a way I enjoy, but how badly do I want it?  Honestly, pretty badly.  Badly enough to plan out a course and achieve it?  Yep, I think so.

Anyway, I am really thinking about that phrase: How bad do you want it?  Badly enough to achieve it?  Badly enough to go through it?  I think I will be painting that question above my door, or at least over the computer where I do my writing.

God calls us to use our gifts.  We can use them to serve him and benefit his people.  He gave us those gifts, he created us for a purpose.  So, if we do not attempt, are we thwarting or wasting his gifts to us?  He instilled in us our passions, weaknesses, and interests.  I was talking with a woman the other day, who told me that she never wanted to be a mother, didn't want the bother and stress (as she put it).  However, she is phenomenal at what she does do!  I could never do it!  What a great gift she has!  I am so thankful for her gift. Why should I be upset if she does not want what I see as my passion - children.  Why should I try to force my concept of bliss upon her?  I would be miserable with her life and passions.  But I so need what she does!  What a great symbiosis!  I LOVE raising my children.  I love that there are many of them.  I love that I am forever doing the mundane that cares for my family, as well as some of the other things we do.  I generally don't see it as a bother (OK, laundry can be a pain, especially when our washer is broken and the repairman hasn't been able to get here for two weeks!!!!!).  God has gifted me in this way.  I have a huge tolerance for some things, including chaos (how do you never have chaos when there are eight kids?).  But put me in her place and I would go nuts - and be bad at it.

God has created an amazing world. Challenge yourself.  Risk enough to risk failing.  Set goals.  Listen to people who motivate you.  Take control of whatever you can and want to.  Go for it!  Same things I tell my kids.  Adults need to listen too!

Ooooh, dinner is ready, time to go!  Hubby took over after I got some things started - okay, he brought home all the stuff, Kiley washed the potatoes, I poked them and put them in the oven, and he put the chicken in, and now he is serving up all the kids - just so you don't think that I did it tonight!  Hee, hee!  He is a great cook and we all love doing things together or taking turns!  Gotta go, it smells great!!!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Judy said...

You continue to positively challenge me. You leave me awestruck by the person you have become. Love, Mom

Christy O said...

Mom, I wouldn't be who I am without you. You and Dad and John have been there for me all along. Without you, Mom, I wouldn't have had a chance or a stable place to start. You and Daddy taught me who to be by example. Without all your care and devotion I would not have had a chance. You lived out what it meant to be a parent, a family, a servant of God. You lived it out every day. You raised Eric and I alone through our grief over the loss of our beloved daddy, and then through likely our most challenging years. I suspect you only see the mistakes you made, and don't see all that you did do. You have taught me that parents parent lifelong, and that the family is the foundation, the safe place, the sanctuary. I have never doubted your love, even when I have tested you to the limits. I hope somehow I am paying some of that back. You have always been a phenomenal mom. You and Daddy lived out what it meant to be a person of quality. And then you gave me the chance to have a father again when you married John and I love him beyond belief. I am most grateful that he loves you and makes you happy, but that he loves my kids is the best (and that he loves me and Steve too, but you know how that is as a mom). I hope that somehow you can see a ripple effect of all that devotion and teaching you poured into my childhood and adulthood. Your effects upon the world carry on far beyond your direct touch anymore, through all that you did with us. Imagine that - you have never left this continent, but you have touched Ethiopia. Thank you so much for loving my kids, my family. Thank you for stepping out in faith into the crazy with us! The person I have become is because of all that you poured into me. I am so grateful that you are my mother, and I hope my kids learn half as much from me as I have learned from you.

Tina Hollenbeck said...

Amen, Christy! I need to remember that challenge, too - how bad do I want it?! - in a number of areas myself. Thanks for an inspiring post!