A life of love

A life of love
Everyone should have a Great Pyrenees

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Prayers requested.

If I could ask the favor of prayer today, I would really appreciate it.

Maybe it is just the weather - we are now entering the longest and greyest part of the winter - which is hard for me, someone who thrives on sunshine, but I am very discouraged this morning. 

Did you ever get where you felt like you just weren't getting done what you needed to get done?  No matter where you turn?  Today I feel that way.

I am waiting on God to speak to someone else, and waiting.  I know where we are to go, I know what we are to do, and yet we sit here.  So that is frustrating, because time is ticking away.

I have been trying so hard to declutter, downsize and all of that, and it seems that for each step forward, there are two or more backwards.  I keep saying "I just want three days at home, going nowhere" and yet it cannot occur.  That is the life of a mom - one kiddo working at a stable, getting ready for upcoming horse show season, several more hopefully in a play (which is just the greatest thing ever!), ceramics once a week - which is helping me keep my sanity during the dreary winter - what with all the beauty and fun we are having with it, hubby's singing commitments and all - one of the greatest joys of my life and his ministry, and working part time - several bills are being totally paid off with this - it is a huge joy to see that happen.  So, needless to say, I am not getting a lot done on the homefront.  And today is a day that I will spend nearly totally in the van.  We compromised on my work schedule for this month to make a big impact, and I have a full day - but I work two hours away from home, helping out another building up there!!!!  And then to run one kid to the stable, another to a band jam with a nearby friend, and a third to choir practice where he will meet up with dad. 

It is all good!  It is all what they all need to grow!

But today it is overwhelming, and where normally I just take it in stride, today I am sad.  I think it is a combination of two things.  One, I am waiting for a signature on a paper, that might never come, but the clock is ticking and it must be either signed or released.  Two, it is grey!!!!

Though on the upside - we got at least four inches of snow yesterday - while we were running to stables and ceramics and play tryouts!  Okay, so that wasn't exactly the upside, but when we got home, Alex offered to start the chopping for dinner and get it going (and Faith too!).  So, I went outside to start shoveling.  It was relatively warm, the snow was fluffy, and I need the exercise, as well as it needed to be done!  I started out by myself, and in a few minutes, here comes one of my boys to work alongside me.  We chatted and found the edges of the sidewalk and just kept going.  Then another one, and another one and pretty soon all the kids except the ones cooking our dinner were outside helping me shovel us out some!  We gave the horses extra hay for a snack, several kids made snow angels, there were threats of a snowball fight (with warnings that Mom was NOT going to be involved!  I DON'T like getting cold!), and general cheeriness.  The best picture in my mind, was early on - all my "ethiopian born" boys were shoveling with me, and started looking up, into the snow coming gently but heavily down from the dark sky.  And they were entranced!  It was beautiful.  Yes the snow was certainly, but to see these boys, to think of how far we have all come, to see their joy in the experience.  That was the greatest gift.  I so love all these kids!  Even when we have a "bad day".  It is just a day, overshadowed by so many others.

And on that note, I feel uplifted, which is probably why I write.  Just for me.  If I am the only one who ever reads this, well, that is OK.  But if you read it and enjoy it, or have something to say, please do! 

Please pray that God moves today.  Things so often seem beyond our economy, though not beyond God's, as I have seen.  The best decisions we have ever made in our lives have been the ones that seemed to "not make sense" to many folks or by other people's standards.  And yet, I see these living breathing miracles, and they remind me that my frustrations over cleaning are so minor compared to these kids who are growing up knowing they are loved, they are valued, they are claimed.  That God loves them, listens to them.  Long ago I gave up my dream of a picture perfect house (though I keep trying!).  I traded it for one that fits active kids, tolerates dirt, art projects, dreams and lots of energy.  Our school desks have had to be traded in for a ping pong table that doubles as a large school table.  But it fits us.  I cannot imagine if we had missed out on one of these lives.  I know that while I may not be wealthy by the world's standards, my life is so rich.  I wondered when we had one child how I could love another as much.  I really worried about that.  And then we had another and I discovered that my love multiplied.  My love and peace has multiplied with each child.  It is a true miracle of the heart, that God has placed.  My heart lives in this home, with these kids, with my dearest man.  This is exactly what I live and breathe for.

Thanks for uplifting me, I feel so much better - and will head off to work cheerfully - cannot wait to pay down stuff with this paycheck.  That is the blessing - making some stress disappear!!!!!  Yay!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11


Jennifer said...

Praying for you :)

You are not alone in your ramblings! I feel the same way a lot of the time!!

JJ said...

praying for that "answer" that I know you are waiting for. Let me know what he says, when he finally does. The winters get the best of me too. I am so feeling a trip to somewhere warm and beachy would be incredible, but then I remember what our bank account looks like. Spring, please hurry up. I CRAVE SUMMER!!!!

Laurie said...

Januarys are the worst! I don't know how you keep up with all you do (even with the caffeine inputs ;-). Just hang in there and try to savor those good moments to get you through the bad.

gbmom2407 said...

You Christy are one of the most amazing moms I have ever met. You are an example I look to when it comes to everyday life at our house. I am praying for you to make it through this grey (I feel it too...) to see the sunshine and snowflakes of another day. We love you and are here for you any time!

Bob and Lex said...

Christie I don't think you realize how many of us look up to you and Steve. Your entire family is simply amazing - you shine the light of God to all you meet and I pray that the Lord continues to use you and your family as our window to HIM!!

Dianne said...

These long (short) days are hard. Do you take Vitamin D. I take 2000 u of cholecaliferol (sp.) and it helps a lot.