It's not just our Azeb who needed a home!

I don't know how many of you are intensely following this, but we were blessed to be able to take donations via Reece's Rainbow and to better know that organization in this last adoption.  God has truly moved in our lives, challenged us and led us to our two youngest daughters and the world of raising a child with recognized special needs (two of our kids have type 1 diabetes and we don't consider them special needs in that context - we talk about medical special needs, which is different).  Reece's Rainbow advocates for children with Down Syndrome (primarily) that are waiting for forever families - most of whom will never be adopted, and many of whom may likely perish in institutions never knowing the love of a family.  I am just overwhelmed to think of all the children who wait, who may never be tucked in at night, who many never have the opportunity to grow in love and nurturing.  Because it is true.  There are many children with special needs, with Down Syndrome particularly, who are unrecognized as valuable, as a life to be nurtured and loved.

We protest that thought.

Totally protest that.  I protest that any child grow up without a family to love them and support them.  That any child doesn't have all the love and support that every child deserves.

Reece's Rainbow is an amazing organization.  I am so blessed to have gotten to know them.  I simply cannot look at their waiting children lists.  In all honesty, it breaks my heart.  I have a half a second of wondering about trying again someday, and then am called back by the needs of my kids at home and know that right now it is not within our resources to bring another child into our family.  I refuse to dictate to God that we are done - honestly because each time we have done that, it has been almost like a challenge to God and soon we are expanding our family again.  I simply don't know what God will call us to.  I know that I feel that at the moment He knows that we are full.  That we are using everything we have for the kids He has lovingly placed into our homes.  We are blessed.  We are overwhelmed at some moments, bu through Christ all things are possible.  We know that our littlest ones need so much right now, that our teens need us actively with them in their rapidly expanding lives, that our tweens/almost teens need us too.  We are so fully blessed.  I know what we are called to today.  I do at the moment think our family may be complete, if God so dictates, we may add to it.  I simply cannot imagine it right now.  But on the other hand, before I wish it would happen, several children will fly the nest, become adults (oh, way too rapidly for their mama).  God has a plan.  I don't know what it will be in the future. God has already brought us so far that we never ever would have imagined.  I don't want to tell Him what our future should be (though the lottery would be lovely, if You are listening God!).  I need to take each step that He has laid out for me.

And I do think that for today, our role is to advocate for other children in need. For children like Azeb.  For children who were born with challenges that the world does not see as valuable.  They are.  Just as valuable as any other child.

So, I want to share this link with you: http://onestepclosertohome.blogspot.com/2012/06/racing-for-orphans-with-down-syndrome.html">Racing for Orphans with Down Syndrome - Ironman.  This amazing man is raising money to support the effort to get these kids into homes.  Reece's Rainbow assists with fundraising - the funds raised - listed on our sidebar - are for our post adoption work, thankfully that is the last bit we have left to go.  They have GRANTS for children on their list!!!!  If you are interested in adopting a child with Down Syndrome or another special need who is on their list, there are many grants, some are absolutely huge!!!!  What a huge blessing and help in the process.  Honestly, the finances of adoption are daunting.  We are still repaying loans that we got to bring our kids home.  We have paid off each one before starting another, and a sacrifice that we don't count, but it is still a challenge. We are making payments on what it took to bring our kids to a loving home.  So, these grants are huge to adopting families!!!  You can help bring a child to a family who is willing to love and raise them - possibly for an entire lifetime of care. What a huge gift.  Please, please go to this link.  Read it, learn more.  This wonderful athlete is working to raise awareness and funds for children with Down Syndrome in need of families!  What a creative way to bring awareness of the need to the world.  We each reach out in our own way, and reach those that might hear us.  We are facing a season in which we can raise awareness and hopefully help others adopt children who desperately need homes.  There are several kids on the website that just break my heart, each child speaks to a different family, to a different person - but all I can do right now is pray and raise awareness.  If that is our role now, we will gladly do that.

Please check out this website listed above and visit Reece's Rainbow.  Each life is of value.  Each child deserves love.

I look at Azeb - who can make us crazy as she tests every boundary, and then will scrunch up her little face and let loose with a belly laugh that will just challenge you to not laugh along with her - even when you should be scolding her!  I cannot imagine her little life not being of value.  As she trucks all over, following me, or running away (there is a 50/50 chance of either), exploring the dirt, chasing down a cat (that a few short weeks terrified her) so she can hug it, petting one of our dogs, or telling me a story in her own version of words, jargon and gestures - so clear at times that I totally understood it, well, how could she not be part of a family?  A family to care for her, to look out for her, to nurture her, to entice her to be all that she can be?  EVERY child deserves that!!!!

Okay, off my soapbox.  I need to go feed an orphaned kitten. And check on the chicks that hatched in the incubator in the last two days ( up to six now!), and keep watching the epic news reports of the recall election of our State of Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker.  And sleep because tomorrow I will take one kiddo to renew his temps (for driving), and then to our time at the stable, then schooling, then the usual!!!!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Bloggy ramblings!

Just wanted to update a little, and capture a few stray thoughts.

The girls and I are still in NY state.  We will be leaving tomorrow morning, right after taking the little girls to school for the day.  My brother got home yesterday and so we got to see him and spend time with him too.  It was great to see him, and hang out just chatting about things.  He has slides of my dad's, from when he was in the military and quite the world traveler.  He was able to show me some that he has on his computer, and it is looking at my dad when he was in his early 20's, just amazing.  Before my folks were married or had even met.  And boy, oh boy, can you see him in my brother!  Probably me too, but you really see it in Eric.  I only have a few photos of my dad as he was generally always the photographer.  I recall him at age 44, the age at which he passed away, and it is really neat to see him in younger years and wonder about his life.  Eric has said he will get me copies and I really look forward to it.  Heritage and family.  Very important.

We have had a good time with my nieces, trying to keep their world spinning as normally as possible.  I think it has gone pretty well.  We drove to Niagara Falls on Saturday - I was so proud that I got us there without getting lost - these roads around here are very winding and don't follow the grid patterns the farmland around our home does!  We had a good time, walked a lot, it was a gorgeous day!  All six of us girls got a necklace to commemorate our "girls time" and as a souvenir.  It was fun.  Talk about amazing looking at the power and majesty of the Falls.  Simply amazing.  We saw two wedding parties there for photos, and heard many languages all around us!  People from all over were there, doing exactly what we were doing - snapping photos, and being amazed.  We were tired by the end and glad to head home after just a couple hours.  A quick dinner and chores and we were ready for bed! 

Sunday my brother's in-laws picked him up at he airport for me (I was very glad for one less place to try to find in an unfamiliar city) and they all came out to his house.  We got everyone settled, had some lunch that my girls decided to cook up, and visited and saw the animals.  It was really nice.  Then we took off for the Lewiston Peach Festival!  Close by and sort of like a mini carnival or fair.  Yummy fresh peaches!!!  We had peach shortcake - it was HUGE!  I am so glad I decided to share with someone, as even just a half had me stuffed.  We saw lots of dishes at the stalls that were new to us, and some that I want to try - Italian Rice Balls!!!!  It smelled so very good, but I was still full from lunch, so didn't try them there.  And slovaki's or something similar to that.  I will have to look up the recipe and give it a try.  It all smelled so amazing, but I simply couldn't eat a thing!  Bummer!  The girls had fun on some rides and all five rode on the haunted house ride - some of the older girls even admitting that they shut their eyes!  But they were all smiling and laughing when they came off!

We have had fun, established a routine for ourselves, but homesickness is really starting to set in.  We are all ready to go home, to be home.  I do admit we will miss family here, and the riding arena (!!!!), but we miss our own family, our own routines, our own life.  The girls are even admitting to missing their brothers!!!!  LOL!  I am ready to sleep in my own bed - I never sleep well when I am away from Steve and this has been a long stretch for us.  Miss my guys, all of them.

So, tomorrow we will take the little girls to school - say our goodbyes, and start the trek home.  I figure we won't get home until maybe midnight, but I can easily live with that.  To wake up in our own beds!  To hear all my kiddos around me!  To hug my hubby!  Sounds like heaven to me!

I have been pondering about 9/11 also.  It was quite emotional for me yesterday morning and I just couldn't coherently blog about it.  I so vividly recall that day.  All of it, and all that came after.  We are so blessed to live where we do, to have the safety we have, the protection and freedoms we have.  It is through the sacrifices of our military, our firefighters, our police, and so many others, that we can HAVE our daily routines, and our simple lives.  I remember for months after 9/11 thanking all of these brave people and praying for them each time I was able to safely tuck my children into their calm beds, into their safe beds.  We can never forget.  We must always remember, and always protect ourselves.  We must value those who sacrifice so much for our safety and lives - not just the folks who are on the front lines, but their families at home who sacrifice also!  I fully intend to raise my children to know of that day, though they were so small when it happened.  We must never forget.  There is so much we must never forget.  I thank the Lord daily for His protection and love.  I pray for our leaders, our country, as we must.  And I try to raise my kids to be the kind of people we need in this world.  I hope, I so hope that we succeed. 

Love to you all from NY!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

And summer has arrived....

Summer has arrived.  I think we skipped spring, but who cares?  The sun is out, the weather is balmy and everything is green!  And this light skinned crazy person has managed to get sunburned because I had way too much that I wanted to get done outside!!!  LOL!  And yes, I did put on sunscreen - well, the second day anyway.....

But, we have been enjoying the heck out of the weather!  Steve got our fencing working again, and not intermittently!  So at this point all the animals have stayed where they are supposed to!  Whoo-hoo!  The wildest day was when the horses went to visit one of the neighbors and she called us at 7:30AM saying they were talking to her cows!  Talk about wide awake and running out the door!  By the time I ran out the door, the eight big horses were charging back down the driveway and all ran right past me to the gate to their pasture!  Who needs coffee after that!  Luckily, no one was hurt, no damage to anyone's property or crops, and they came right back home!!!  It was pretty (and scary) having them all charge right by me! 

I have gotten a few things in the garden, will work on more later today.  We have raspberry plants now, a strawberry patch, some flowers and a lilac bush.  The only way to keep the goats out of them is to have them inside my garden patch!  At this point, I have not been super wonderful about putting every square inch to work, so I don't feel bad about turning some over to something pretty and not food related.  I am drying some of my herbs, learning how to do it anyway, for teas and other things - can you tell I am learning as I go???  I have lots to plant today, but will have to clear some more spots in the garden before I do that - the spring was too wet to get at anything, and as we have reclaimed the garden from yard space, I still have tons of grass trying to come up!  I may be crazy enough to transplant some of it when I clear it out!  We had to trench for a new gas line to our propane tank, and though we have filled it in there is no grass there (amazingly, our free range chickens get to the grass seed as soon as we plant it, so I have given up on that!).  I may transplant some of that thriving grass to that area!  Hee, hee.  That might be a little nuts, but harmless.

I have had a great time watching my growing kids enjoying spring/summer.  Two of the boys are in drivers ed, so we may have another driver/helper for me by December!!!!  Soccer season has started, and we are prepping for the county fair!  That means horses, goats, chickens, rabbits all being prepped!  They have been so helpful with projects - at least most of the time.  I think I may have overrun their generosity (and responsibility) the day that I asked them and Steve to take out a friend's chain link fence.  A single mom wanted it gone, and wondered if we could use it - yes!!!!  So, I went to work at the stable with Kiley for the day - mucking stalls and the whole nine yards, and the others went to get this fence out.  It is HUGE, and all cemented it.  Ummmm....  But, they got it out!  And loaded in our horse trailer and brought home!  Now, we are planning to put it up as an addition off our summer kitchen for a pen for the male goats.  It is just perfect and will really help with our herd management.  So, that is likely Saturday's project, unless I get a little crazy and start it before then.....

Life on the farm is great.  Busy but great.  Everyone is learning so much, between internships, general activities, service projects, and continuous learning!  It was so funny when I was talking to the boys (taking drivers ed) yesterday.  I remember learning to drive and being terrified.  So, I have been prepping my kids for ages, literally.  I started explaining the rules of the road and getting them practicing behind the wheel long before they were really old enough to worry about it.  And then I found that we would run into a situation while we were driving that I could talk with them about - much less time pressure and all.  I figured I was driving them crazy with all that I kept explaining to them over the last two plus years, but yesterday, Zeri and Alex were telling me about a question the drivers ed teacher asked.  "Why is the road more slippery when it first starts raining?"  They both had known the answer and no one else in the class did!!!  Amazingly, not only had they listened to me prattle on constantly, but they remembered it!!!!!  Whoooooo-hooooo!!!!!  Actually, they both have said that they learned most of what they are going over in the class from me first!  Except now they are precise about the speed limit and I tend to go a few miles around it.  Sigh, so now they are calling me on it.  Sigh.  And Zeri is so motivated by this class that we are spending extra time on reading by reading through his manual!!!!  He is doing great - it is like everything is just clicking now!  We did all that teaching, all that work, and made progress but it was slow, and now it is just falling into place!!!!!  Wow!!!!  Hooray!!!!  I am so proud of him - he works so very hard!!!!!

Well, I have to run.  Two of the boys are going rock picking for a neighbor, one is going to an automotive internship, and one is going to an equestrian internship (and to prepare for her horse show on Sunday!).  Then I run to work for my one hour, and back home to my lovely crew!  Then to driver's ed, and rounding up kids from internships, and another appointment for our adoption.  I am trying to get all the craziness done before our little girls get home, so it is a bit extra crazy right now.  I have lots on my to do list for before they get home, all with the plan to make things easier and less busy when they are home, because it will have to be!!!!

Love to all, enjoy every moment, breathe in God's blessings and pray for those suffering (thinking of all the tornados!)
Christy

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Rainy, lovely fall day!!!!

Today has been one of those inside days on the farm.  We actually haven't had too many of them, and after the off kilter way our week went, it was welcome.

Wednesday night, Steve's car died.  Or rather the repairs needed are too costly for the age and mileage of the vehicle, at least for the amount of driving he does for work.  The best option is likely a used, rebuilt engine to replace the one in there.  Ugh. And he puts on about 1000 miles a week.  Not a reliable option for the breadwinner in our family.

We worked really hard to stay calm, have faith and see what God allowed to pan out.

Easier said than done, obviously.

He was able to work from home for Thursday and Friday, which was a huge blessing as Friday was Ben's birthday.  We ended up looking at used cars at a dealership - hooked up by an adoptive dad who works there to a salesman who is himself adopted!  It is the same place we bought Steve's last car, which we definitely got our money's worth from.  And we had very few problems, nothing beyond what you might expect given the amount of work the car did!  So, it seemed reasonable to go back.  

We hate the thought of a car payment, but we know that it will be for a very limited time, likely just until March.  I would say that the only benefit we will see from the health care bill is the part about the adoption tax credit.  But, to know that we will only make a couple payments and then pay off the car really makes the thought much easier to handle.  

So, we now glance out in to our driveway and think that someone is here, until we realize that it is Steve's new car!  A 2009 Nissan Versa.  Nice little car, very low miles, great gas mileage, and new enough that we can rest easy knowing that he is not likely to have troubles getting to and from his job, which is very important to our family!

The kids are thrilled, love the "cool" car that Dad now drives.  I just refuse to think about how much it cost!  Ugh.  But it is priceless for Steve to get to work!  

So, yesterday, prior to picking up the "new" car, I took the kids to a ceramics shop.  We have been meaning to go for ages, the kids want to learn how and then have another item to show for 4H at the county fair.  But we have never gotten around to it, sadly.  So, I decided to make an appointment, put it on the calendar and get us there this year.  We need some new things to do during cold weather when we get cooped up a bit more.  

Anyway, we make up a class ourselves, so I called and explained that we wanted to learn it from the ground up, so we really knew all about the process and how things are done.  Not to mention that on freecycle last year we acquired ceramic molds (still am not sure how we can use those, but I intend to learn!) and some greenware for ceramics!  

Well, we had a blast!  The very nice lady there took us around, explained that we should select something simpler to start with, but she would help us find the right pieces as well as something we liked.  She showed us the difference between greenware and bisque, and then helped us choose pieces that weren't too difficult for our experience.  Then once all of us (eight kids and me) had picked a piece, she got out the tools and showed us how to clean the seams off, and get it well done.  We really had fun.  Now our items are being fired, and on Monday we get to go back and start the glazing processes.  We haven't learned too much about that yet, I know that there are many, many options.  Everyone is very excited to get that part going!  Faith has told me about ten times that she is so excited for Monday!

Well, with the rain, we pulled out the greenware that we had gotten from freecycle and I and various of the kids throughout the day have worked on that.  Our piano bench is still a bit dusty from our work, but will be all wiped down soon.  We completed a complete nativity set, plus extra pieces - a bunch of sheep - the kids thought a full herd was appropriate.  There was even an R2 D2, a couple cute mice, a couple smurfs (hee, hee!), a vase and a bunch of balls for Christmas ornaments.  Now we have an entire box carefully boxed up to come with us on Monday, where it will get fired so we can do the glazing another time.  The kids already have other items that they saw that they want to do, so it appears we have a new hobby going at our house!

It is nostalgic to me for several reasons.  My grandmother did lots of ceramics when I was growing up and I have pieces throughout my house that she did for me over the years.  She passed away more than a year ago, and I miss her.  I bet she is just giggling at watching her granddaughter and her great-grandkids enjoying the same hobby she loved for so long.  And I had done a little when I was in middle school (a billion years ago) and really loved.  So, it means a bit more to me, maybe.

And to follow up on our last post, thank you everyone who ordered for our fundraiser!  We raised $225 towards our fees at Bethany Christian Services for another adoption.  I love the pendants so much, and friends have showed me some that they bought and they are so happy with them!  That is such a great thing - a win for everyone all around.  

With the colder weather (and sitting through more play practices) I am working on more knitting projects - some for Christmas if I can get them figured out, and finishing up the granny square afghan that I started when we were expecting our little guy last spring.  I still cannot take down the crib we put up for him, and still have his photo in the crib in a really nice frame that says "family".  Some days it seems surreal, and some days it just is something that has happened.  I find myself wondering what he might be doing now had he lived.  He would have been about seven months old now.  I just cannot imagine.

And now it is just hard to wait to be needed again.  But, I have decided to finish up the blanket, and see what God wants to do with it.  If it will wrap around a baby of ours, or if it will wrap around some other baby.  I am sure that God will make it clear.  
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Happy New Year!

I say this from the comfort of my bed, using my laptop. I have a glass of wine on the nightstand, a good book next to me and a movie that I have seen before (and enjoyed) on the TV.

The four "little kids" are in the living room gorging themselves on sugar free/caffeine free soda, crackers, chips and dip and cookies. They think they are in heaven - they have their sleeping bags all over the living room and are all set to watch the Disney channel ring in the new year! Ten year old heaven!!! LOL!

The four older kids are at a lock in at church - well, they are at a game arcade, then a bowling alley, and then back at church for music until dawn! They have been humming with excitement for quite some time and it reached fever pitch all day long. They happily left the house for the night - 12 to 15 year old version of heaven. I get to pick them up at 6 AM and I expect that they will SLEEP most of the morning (as the little kids likely will also!). Well, that will get me up to go into work for a little while tomorrow. Then I am anticipating a monster waffle making marathon! What a way to ring in the new year!

I guess when I look back (maybe 16 or so years ago) this looks pretty tame, but to me, tonight it is the epitome of contentment. I am warm, cozy, my honey here with me in good health if you ignore his knee (surgery is scheduled for next week), my kids are all healthy, happy and growing like they should be. What more could you ask for?

Well, unlimited wealth, but that really doesn't matter. A better barn for our farm - well, we are working towards that. A van that has a working heater - a couple more weeks and we will get that done too. So, there really isn't anything profound that we are lacking this year. We are planning to continue working hard, loving our kids, building our farm, and hopefully getting better at all of this. The most important things in life we are abundantly blessed with - family, health (thanking God for my mom's clean bill of health today - for a bit I thought I might be counting the minutes with her again, but all is well), jobs, energy, our faith, our home, and a positive outlook. Most days anyway! LOL!

God has brought about so many things about in the last couple years, I barely know how to even wonder about the future. I highly suspect that our journey will continue, in whatever way God wills.

Tonight, I look at the new year with a deep sense of hope and contentment. I am so grateful for the blessings that we have, and want to be dedicated to being a good steward of them all - my children, husband and home. Life is so much more than I had ever imagined, sometimes hard, sometimes wildly joyful, sometimes uncertain, but always a blessing, even in the hard times.

I wonder about resolutions. Do you make them? I used to, but haven't for quite a while. I saw on another blog that I read that she decided to make ones that were in reach. I am stealing one of hers - one I have never been able to do, to read the entire Bible in one year. Another, to keep writing, in whatever form. Third to build more routines into our lives - I love not having routines, but we all do love them when we get into them. I may make small goals for each month - this month (January) I would like to declutter for 15 minutes a day. Sounds reachable, doesn't it? We shall see!

I hope and pray that whoever might read this is finding contentment and progress in their own life, and that God's hand is upon them. I pray that you have a wonderful 2010! Happy New Year!!!!!!!

The Present

God has given us all a present. It is the present.

No matter what our past, no matter the current or past hurts. No matter what.

We can choose to embrace the gifts from God, or we can choose not to.

I watch this with my adopted children. They all have past hurts that brought them to be adopted. Now, God has given them a family. They can choose to embrace it or not. As a parent, my job is to show them the beauty of embracing all the gifts, of looking for the silver lining in those clouds. I cannot make them choose it, but I can work to teach them and show them the beauty. And at some point I have to not take it personally if they choose to not embrace those gifts at times. I have to let them learn from their actions.

That is the hard part. Really hard.

Let me add, that this pertains to all my children, not just those born into our hearts but not through our bodies. I look at Kiley and see the hurts that she has endured with her chronic illness. That could scar her if she let it, just as my adopted kiddos' pasts could scar them. She needs to make the same choices. Alex and Faith have spent years living with this disease that at times totally places them secondary as we work to keep their sister healthy. There are times that they are not the priority because at the time, saving Kiley’s life is. I wish it didn’t sound so dramatic, but it has been at times. There are times they themselves have helped to save their sister from her disease. All three times we have had to call the rescue squad, Alex has called them, starting at age 10. My heart breaks for them. It could scar them just as my other kiddos histories could scar them.

And maybe that is the blessing that we keep teaching. Everyone has something. Everyone. Or someday they will. No one is immune. So, you can either move forward and embrace the gifts, or you can leave them still closed, sitting in a corner.

I lost my father as a child. My mother remarried when I was an adult. The gift to me was the wonderful love my stepfather has for my mother, the way he cares for her, and extra special is the love he has lavished on my children and my family. That is the blessing. I choose to embrace that gift totally. I could spend the rest of my life wallowing in the loss of my father and all that I would like for him to be part of now, or I can embrace what I do have, which is truly an amazing gift, more than I could ever ask for.

Yes, I have a loss. But it has brought me gifts if I will choose to see them. Perhaps empathy with my children who have lost a parent and come to us through adoption. Perhaps as I have walked with others through their own losses, I just have experiences that make it a gift, even if I don’t know it all.

So, how do I help my children learn to embrace the gifts they do have? It is a frustrating struggle sometimes. It is very hard to watch them learn things the hard way. To watch them miss out by choice. But the gift is when they do join in, when they do make steps forward, when they show signs of healing. This is a very long journey with them, with each child, no matter how they came to us. But there are gifts with each step, with each frustration. Sometimes it needs to be searched for very hard.

The child who after 2 ½ years is still struggling with the same phonics, no matter how I present it, all the various ways we have tried it. That is the negative. The positive is the hope for him, how hard he works at it, the rejoicing in each little step, and maybe some days, the patience I am being taught.

The child who can’t quite bring themselves to truly enter in, who appears moody, and at times simply apart. The gift is the moments when that child enters in, the laughter, oh so sweet because there are times it is totally absent, the joy when the child completely interacts with us.

The financial struggles at times, - they remind us so of what is really important and how wealthy we truly are. And when the car bill has been paid, the quarterly gas bill paid, my annual work dues paid, well the relief at knowing that we got it done. Hard work equals our life. It is all worth it. And what we see as financial struggle is generally minor discomfort, not true struggle. I have enough food in the house to feed us for at least a month without need for much of anything outside our larder – maybe not always our favorite meals, but healthy nutritious meals to fill the bellies of all ten of us! That is wealth. So many people in the world cannot do that. It is crazy wealthy, the rest is all minor passing inconvenience or the sacrifices we make for our family.

And the best gift of all, the most eternal. The love of our Saviour, His sacrifice that we can never deserve. That is the basis for all that we do. Our good works can never save us, only the true grace of the Lord. But also, “faith without works is dead”. If we believe in our salvation, it simply must change how we live. And that isn’t always comfortable, but I have seen God do amazing miracles in lives all around me, stretching people into places they never dreamed of, and along with it, into amazing richness!

Birthdays are fun!!!

Today Zeri turns 14 - he picked a time, because we really don't know what time he was born - so at about that time (we had a bit of delay) we had the requested cinnamon rolls for breakfast, put the candles on the cake and sang happy birthday! Of course, the presents were first and a huge hit. Thank goodness for knowing what really appeals to him!

We head out for our fingerprinting appointment (kind of a bummer to be doing this on his birthday rather than being at home - a few hours in the van doesn't really appeal to anyone) and to top it off then we are going to an Ethiopian restaurant - bringing the cake with as that is where he would like to do it!!! That redeemed the day in his eyes, plus the knowledge that getting this done is a big step to getting this adoption completed! So, the consensus ended up being that this is a good way to spend a birthday! LOL!

I am so proud of this young man, all he has been through and all that he has accomplished. He is amazing. And to top it off, after really seeing no progress in reading for quite a while, suddenly it is clicking and he is really reading fairly well!!!! The new things he is learning are sticking! I am just so pleased for him as it has been a long road. Perhaps it is also just the time learning English or whatever, but I will take it. And his vocabulary is growing by huge leaps and bounds! Amazing.

Well, the remote control cars are racing around, and we are getting things ready to go for our trip, so I had better run, just wanted to honor the young man's birthday!

Huh?

I am a bit confused this morning. I have a "friend" - someone I once thought a friend obviously - who is also an adoptive mom, who chose to comment on my kids in her blog. It was sad and hurtful, because she chose to say how she grieved for my kids that they left their homeland and the beautiful people there. It went on and on, and was not realistic about the life they lived there. And it was wildly hurtful to our family. Maybe I am being too sensitive, but given the events of this last weekend, our joy at our sons' friends finally being home with their forever family, it was just a very strange dichotomy.

I am trying to process this and to find the correct way to respond. The hurt heart inside me wants to strike out in anger and that is not appropriate. I want to set the record straight, but I am not at all sure that doing so in a comment on her blog would be appropriate.

And perhaps because we adopted older children, our experience is different and not so romanticized.

Don't get me wrong, I love Ethiopia. It is a beautiful place, with beautiful amazing people and an amazing culture. But I cannot look away from the things my sons tell me about things that are not so glorious. A child beaten and robbed of his shoes at 9, a boy locked out from his little hut for days at a time until his father finally arrived home drunk, a child scared and alone, hungry and unsure what was going to come next. Children whose parents died, whose older siblings, no more than children themselves, without any means of support, were trying to keep fed. Children for whom their only hope was the street, no food, no clothing, no nothing. People chewing leaves that were drugs, simply to keep the hunger away, but then addicted and harmed by it. I witnessed it and I do believe my sons when they share. When they open up, when the stories come, the mother in me so wishes I had been there so that didn't happen to them.

The reality of adoption is more balanced - our children's homeland and heritage is beautiful and I respect it, honor it, and welcome it into my home. And I also have to welcome my children's pasts. Their experiences, their hurts and fears.

So to hear that my children were pitied and grieved for because of what they left behind, was simply devastating. They did leave a great deal behind. They did. But it isn't gone. It lives on in them and us, and someday we all do hope to return. On the other hand, they gained a great deal. All I have to do is look at their growth charts in the few months after they came home! They are healthy, talented, valued, cherished, loved, and surrounded by a secure family that is devoted to them and their future as well as their past. They are part of a family, have parents and siblings and security.

When we were considering adopting again - particularly older children from Ethiopia again, I had a very long heart to heart with my oldest adopted son. I was very concerned - I know how hard it has been for him, all the changes, the language, the food, the culture, all of it. He has worked so very hard. I asked him very, very directly about his feelings about it. He agrees that it is hard, or as he puts it very clearly - it WAS hard. I had to fight back tears to ask him very directly if it was worth it. I had to be willing to face his answer whatever it might be. He was very surprised and went on to be very clear that it was very worth it, the best thing ever. I had to ask if he had to do it over if he would - answer was "absolutely". Knowing how hard it was, would he choose it again - yes. Would it be a good thing for another child - knowing all he knows, is it simply too hard? Too much, etc? A very sure response - it is very worth it, to have a family, to belong, to be loved. And that is what it is about.

Yes, they have "lost" some things. But they have gained a great deal.

What I grieve for for my children is that they ever were in the situation where adoption ever needed to be an option. I grieve that they went through what they went through. I grieve for all their hurts, all their past that was painful. I grieve that they ever needed to be placed for adoption. I grieve for that. That is the grief that I have for my children. Not for them coming here, not for them entering my family, not for them leaving their country.

I know that God has a plan for my children. I know that He orchestrated all things so they came to my family, to my home, at this time. I don't know why. I don't know what His plan is. That would be arrogant to even consider. But I do know that HE brought them here, that HE has a plan and a purpose. I know that HE loves them more than I ever could. I know that HE walks this road with them, with us, with the people left behind. If I get hung up in all the grief and obsession, then I am not living what God has asked me to live today. And today, I am the mom to five amazing children. I live in a house that is active, loud, loving and growing. I am so blessed to have my sons, to be stretched beyond what I ever could have imagined. God has changed us all in so many ways, we are simply nearly unrecognizable from who we once were. And I thank God for that every single day.

I don't feel that my children are to be pitied or our family to be viewed as having done something extraordinary. Our children are our children, who God made them to be, where God placed them. We didn't save our children. We didn't rescue them. Yes, their life outlooks are very different from what they might have been. Yes, I am so happy to know that my children are not going to go hungry, that they have love every day, that a mom and dad look after them, that they are healthy and strong. Children who are orphans need help - God has called us to the widow, the orphan and the fatherless, the least of these. But, my children are no longer orphans. God has lovingly placed them in families. God has provided for them.

So, I don't grieve for what they have "lost". I rejoice in who they are, in all that God has done in their lives, in all that He will do in their lives.

We serve an amazing God, one who knows the entire story, who sees it all. Someday I hope to be so honored to see how all of this has been woven into God's tapestry. It is my prayer to be a part of God's amazing work, in our own small way. I will raise my children for the Lord, in the Lord, and in love. In love and security, in faith and family, so they can go forth and carry that on in their lives. I have no idea how many lives they will all touch, how they will move the world, but I have no doubt that they will! And I am so grateful to have been a part of it.

And NO, I don't pity my children! I rejoice for them and with them.

Welcome to Spring in Wisconsin!

Okay, to set the stage:

We have two dogs, we live in the middle of nowhere, and the dogs during the day generally stay outside on chains (they love to roam, so we have to keep them safe while we work to teach them better). They have a HUGE doghouse, that is always stocked with a huge water bucket. So, they have comfy digs, for farm dogs anyway.

We went to church on Sunday morning, very early as usual, and had errands to run after church. So the dogs were outside.

Unfortunately it started to rain. Fortunately they have a great doghouse that we hoped they would use - sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

Oh, and being Wisconsin, a wonderful about 70 degree day must be followed by a freezing cold, wet 38 degree day. Sunday would be the latter. Ugh.

No problem, we had worked really hard on the nice day to do all the outside stuff so we could be inside on the coming yucky day.

And then we got home to this:


The princess was not happy. Generally she is white, but who would know?


So, our plan to go inside was not going to happen. Our dogs come inside when we are home or generally want them for company or they want us for company.

But needless to say not like this. And did I forget to mention that it was 38 degrees? And my bathroom is finally painted and has pretty shower curtains and I didn't want some dirty dog tossing muddy water all the way to my ceiling as she shook? Generally baths in the tub (for dogs) result in me needing to wash every wall and surface as all that water and soap simply MUST be shared with the walls, ceiling and light fixtures, to say the least.

No way, no how. So the deed must be done outside. Generally I like to wait for a nice warm day to do this to them and me (because of course, I will end up soaked too). Did I mention it was 38 degrees? And the water from our well comes out at about 50? Ugh.

See very not happy dog beginning to get washed:


Notice all the needed help?


Oh my, "must you?" must have been in her mind.


The shampooing begins:


Look out, here it comes!!!




The photos that didn't get done are all the towels that were used to rub the poor thing dry! We let her shake and shake and shake, and then dried and dried and dried. And THEN she could go in the house!!!

Ah, but there was another culprit, but his mud doesn't show as well:


And labs' coats repel water, so washing them is a whole 'nother experience.


Can we say "NOT a happy dog?"?


And now he too can shake off, followed by many towels and drying and then in the warmer house!


Ah, but the true scene of the crime! The real mess they made while we were gone!


The hole had been smaller around the tree, this poor ancient tree that was barely hanging on anyway, as you can tell by the trunk.




After this fiasco, the decision that had been long put off was made, and dear hubby went out and chopped the silly thing down. I don't think it would have made it this year anyway, but the dogs certainly didn't help!

So, a multitude of us were wet and cold by the time all this was done, as well as being somewhat sore from the work of the day before! That was it! Kids could watch videos and relax in cozy pajamas for the rest of the day! Mom threw in the towel, set the timer and washed dishes in 15 minute increments, spaced in between with some reading time! What a day!

Did I mention that it was 38 degrees?