The Egg of Hope


January 21, 2019

Let me tell you a story. Because, well, I like telling stories. And like much of what matters to me, it revolves around farm life and life lessons. So, I’m going to introduce you to the Egg of Hope.

My coworkers, were they reading this, would likely be laughing at just the title. Because they have put up with me and my “hopeful eggs” for years. Each year, at approximately the same time, I come in wildly excited about an egg. Yep, an egg. None of them are farm kids or have chickens, so this is quite novel to them. But this egg, in what feels like the dead of winter, is a hallmark of hope and of spring and brings me immense joy and excitement. Let me tell you why…

In the natural order of things, chickens egg production is ruled by the length of daylight. I firmly believe that this is an excellent way that God gave our hens to have a period of rest and renewal. In a typical year, a hen will lay about five eggs a week, not quite one a day, with production peaking in the longest days of the summer. As the year progresses and the days shorten, the production slows down and finally, usually in late November or early December, my chickens stop laying eggs altogether. If you pay attention, production very closely follows the hours of daylight each day. As they shorten, so does the egg production lessen. It makes sense to me. Our birds need to store up energy and fat for winter and conserve their resources. Don’t we all do that? Certainly, I watch my horses do the same as they grow their thick winter coats and pad on a few more pounds as the days get colder.

Well, even though the days remain cold and even get much colder, there comes a day, usually in mid-February, where I find an egg in the nesting box when I tend to the chickens. I don’t really want to embarrass myself, but in all honesty, I spend time in the henhouse thanking the chickens, holding that one pitiful little egg reverently in my palm. My day will be colored with joy and hope, and I tend to make my friends and coworkers crazy as I tell them that I found the first egg of the year. I am sure they think it is a bit nuts to be so excited about one little egg when I can certainly buy an entire dozen at the store at any time. But, this egg is significant, and here is why…

This egg, this first egg, deep in what feels like the middle of winter in our cold Wisconsin climate, tells us that even though we cannot see it, spring is coming.

It tells me that even though I cannot feel it, warmer days are coming.

It tells me that my birds, created by God to follow the seasons in ways that I don’t intuitively do, know that spring is coming and they are getting ready. See, they feel the hope and promise long before I do, long before it is evident.

This egg, this one measly egg, is held in my gloved hand, with a scarf around my neck, heavy coat and boots on, as I am fully geared to deal with the harsh elements. But this miraculous egg tells me that soon the sun will feel warm, I will shed the heavy clothing and be able to see buds on the trees and shoots coming up from my flower beds. I can’t see it yet, and it will still take time, but it is coming and there is actual PROOF.

So, as you walk a dark and difficult season of life, as it seems like it may never end, keep your eyes open for your own egg of hope. It doesn’t mean that this season is over, or that it is less painful, but the truth is that spring is going to come. It will, even if you cannot see it today. My chickens know it, and they foretell it each and every year for me. Hold onto whatever it might be that gives you a moment of hope and comfort. Choose small things that bring you comfort and peace. Each of those little things builds on each other and can help you get through until full spring arrives. Hold onto your faith, even if it is by the tips of your fingers because it will carry you through. The God of creation promises that spring will come. Each spring looks different and may come in with a storm of early March, or it may come in softly like a breath of spring air, but it will come. You do not walk alone, though you may not think you see it.

Just like that first egg promises that an unseen spring is coming, there are small things that will herald your coming spring. I choose to cradle that little, pitiful egg with sheer reverence and keep it in mind as I go about my days in the darkness and cold of winter. Just thinking of it brings me an internal feeling of warmth and hope and carries me through. After 12 years of raising chickens on our little hobby farm, that simple egg every year reminds me that God is always here and every year spring comes. In the darkness of difficult relationships, heartbreak and tragedy, there is at some point a little egg. I am slowly learning to find those little promises and enjoy even the difficult times.

Today is mid-January, and it is bitter, bitter cold here. Today I found an egg. This is early in the season, and likely there will be very few if any, eggs to be found for the next month or so, but after the last few weeks, I was struggling to find any hope. And today, God gave me an egg. That egg is a promise.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Small steps, using what we have!

This has been a crazy couple weeks for this family - two boys in drivers ed, soccer season starting, my reduction in work hours (because anything else would be impossible at this time), remodeling, trying to get a garden in and all the events in our daily lives.

Our dossier is assembled and ready to go out on Monday!  Hooray!  And the last of the documents are going to the homestudy agency, we have one more meeting with the social worker, and then the walk through to look at the remodeling!  Yay!  We are hopeful to have it all done by the end of the week.  It has been such a marathon to all of this, it is hard to believe that shortly all we will be doing is waiting (and applying for grants, fundraising, earning income, and on and on to get those final expenses paid for).  We got a video of our girls last week, and then a description from someone who was there in May - A is the "queen of the orphanage and adored by everyone" and K is very insecure and must be held constantly.  No surprise to either of those given the photos we have seen.  Honestly, at this point, I am ready for a little one to hang on me.  My big kids need me, but in a different way, and A will be adored by all the big kids so will certainly be the belle of the ball.  As we put in babyproofing, and visualize their room when it will be done, well, it all gets to finally feel real.

The stud walls are up, we have used all the materials we have on hand, and the contractor is coming to finish it up this week.  I am ready to go pick out paint and fabric for their curtains!  The crib will move from our room up to there, as we have two pack and plays that will go in our room while they need to be close by!  We have one high chair, and will be looking for another in the next few months.  Then we will start to look at carseats.  K is under 20 pounds, but at her age, I am concerned that being reclining is not going to work, so I am going to get some input and see what will work. A is over the weight limit so we can use a forward facing toddler seat.  Even thinking about all of this makes if feel so very real.  Finally.  We have no idea what we might get for a court date, so keep your prayers going.  If you felt so led, we have our chip in button there.  We are still making our diabetes log books (click here...), and doing our puzzle fundraiser (click here...), and are adding in more items as we get the ideas.  We have some jewelry making ideas - there is a great bead and jewelry making shop nearby that would be fun to learn from!

On the other parts of our lives: we have entered horse show season and soccer season.  Driving was a constant part of my life this week - I felt like I should just sleep in my van.  The drivers ed boys have this week off, and then only the next week of classroom, so life should get a bit easier when that is done - five days a week on top of everything else has me maxed out.  But, they both passed their temps tests!!!!!  Congrats Alex and Zeri!

So, I am off to sorting and eliminating some items we don't need any longer.  Our house isn't huge, but it is ours and we all fit!  And summer is here, so we have added nine acres to the area we live in!  Yay!

I am enjoying every minute of our spring even though it has gone from one extreme to another!  Gotta love it!

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

Days of waiting...

It seems that there are periods in life where we do lots of waiting.

And it seems that we are in one of those periods now.

First of all, we are waiting for spring. Today was a cold, snowy, blustery day, reminding us how much we appreciated those warmer days that we had, and how difficult winter can be. The winds were howling off the lake and we had a few inches of snow at least. It is hard to tell how much, as it was drifting so much. BRRRRR.... We had gotten so spoiled! A reminder of how 30 degrees felt nearly balmy! But, it is nearly March, so things are progressing towards spring - two steps forward, one step back - welcome to nearing spring in Wisconsin. Even the horses stayed in their sheds!!! Usually it takes a lot for them to go in there, they don't mind bad weather generally, but today - out only to eat and drink.

Second of all, waiting for baby. It is a bizarre thing to be thinking about a baby that I cannot feel. To be preparing for a newborn, with no sensation of a child within me. It is the most surreal thing. Plus the concerns of all that must be done, the risks with an independent adoption, etc. Honestly if the birth parents decided to parent, I really could rejoice in that for them, but I would also be sad as I so would love to have another blessing in the home. But, if God moves and we are not to be this baby's parents, then I know that he has a plan and all will be well. He wouldn't bring us down this road to just leave us. But, oh, I so long to hold a sleeping baby, to be up nights with a small bundle, to watch another young life grow and develop and be loved and love. Sigh. So much uncertainty, so much time. Each day literally ticks by. My cell pone rings and I jump to see if it the birthmother. I recall whenever she tells me she has a doctor's appointment and wait for news. The last news was good, he is growing again. Hopefully this week I will hear more. We have an attorney lined up, are working on the homestudy, getting things ready. But.... Well, nothing will be final until we hold him in our arms, and actually until the court hearing, and then our finalization of his adoption. So, it is again a journey of faith we are on. Excited and scared at the same time.

Waiting for all our baby goats! Springtime gets wonderfully busy with new babies and right now one of the goats really has us sort of fooled. She is truly due soon, showing signs that these babies are coming, but she sure is taking her sweet time. So, we keep an eye on her every hour or so via the camera (silly thing is laying in her heated hut, chewing her cud right now!!!), and send someone out directly to check her condition carefully. Things keep showing progress, but not what we thought. I really thought it would go a little faster, but while she is healthy and well, she is still pregnant!!!!! The constant watching is wearing! How exciting it will be to have new babies! It really lends a bright spot in the hard end of winter. (Wouldn't it be sweet to have kittens or something for distraction???)

Waiting for so much. I don't wait well. I know that God is teaching me patience and I am trying to learn it. Sigh. So, I do what I can to use this time.

Today I suspect my grandmother Dorothy is laughing at me up in heaven - yes, Grandma, I used a flour sifter today! I generally skip that part, but after being home sick and all, I was able to get out some, but petered out before church, so sent Steve and the kids on while I went home. Got two more loads of laundry done, and baked my first batch of baking powder biscuits - to go with the calico beans that are in the crockpot for a later dinner after church (we had a late lunch too). So, all my grandmas, I used a sifter and liked it! LOL! I really love baking. My cooking is getting more interesting and I think better. I love to cook meals for everyone and really miss it when things are busy and I don't get to cook as much. So, it feels good to make things for my family's tummies! So, I bake. And do lots with the crockpot. I love coming home to a wonderful smelling house, knowing there is a hot meal for all the family. Even when we have been all over.

Life with the play is exciting and wearing too! Show time is the first week in March, so next week, which means more rehearsals, working on lines throughout the days, assembling pieces needed for costumes, sewing of costumes (I am sewing five of the pirates' pants!), and just lots of planning. The week of the show is very intense and busy, but oh, so worth it. It is such a great opportunity for the kids, a great experience, great learning and all. They gain such confidence, such presence. It is wonderful. Tiring for Mom and Dad, but wonderful. We have made such great friends through this and had experiences we never would have thought we could have. Evergreen Children's Theater is just a great group! I never had the chance, or most likely never took advantage of the chance, so we really work hard to make sure the kids have the opportunities if they want them.

So, it is a season of waiting - for spring, for babies of multiple kinds, for fun things, for changes in our lives. God is with us in the waiting, with us in the activity, with us at all times. I know that our days of waiting will be followed by changes and activity and wonder. So, today we are like small seeds, under the earth, waiting for the warmth and changes of spring. I feel like we are waiting for that warming sun to bring us to another season of life.

There are things to be done in the waiting. Things that we do to make the most of it. And maybe just to take our minds off of it. Sigh.

We are getting there!

It is a cold and rainy night here and listening to the wind howl makes me very glad that I am snug and warm inside.

Just thought I would update.

Life is moving along. Soccer season has started and to coincide with that Steve (DH) and Alex (eldest son) got parts in the Dudley Birder production of The Music Man!!! So, thankfully, because Alex's part is smaller, he won't need to be at rehearsals until the end of June, so can continue soccer. Steve on the other hand, got a larger role and is now at rehearsals nightly during the week. I am so very excited for him!!! He did many musicals in high school (and somehow I only got to see the ones that he WASN'T in!!!) and sings extensively at our church and with a Christian swing band, so it is a huge part of his life!!! He is so excited, intimidated and working hard at it - what a blessing! Everyone is very excited for him and anxious to see the production!!!

Our dossier should be on it's way to Ethiopia by now, after having made the trips to the American and Ethiopian embassies in Washington DC last week. Things are moving very rapidly. In our agency, when we move beyond the document phase, we get a new caseworker, and she had been gone for the last few days, so I am anxious to get all the next details! What I understand is that the dossier will go to Ethiopia and be translated. Translation can take up to two weeks. Once that is done, our case can be submitted to court. In order to be submitted to court, we have to have the final fees paid in full. I get it. Ugh. As of Friday, we should be down to $9000, as long as the stupid brakes on the van don't cost too much! I am amazed at how fast we have been able to do this, but am now praying fervently for the final amount! I would greatly appreciate any prayers on this issue!

We did two weekends of donut sales at church, a daylilly sale, and are doing a rummage sale this weekend. Our other produce things get sent in regularly and right now there is nearly $200 waiting to be sent in. God is very faithful and has never been late. We have grant applications out there, but don't expect to hear from them anytime soon, most likely not until July or August, and by that time we hope to have the kids home or be just about to travel! Oh, well, it will perhaps repay anything we might have borrowed to get this done. If anyone wanted to assist in this, there is a button on the right hand side, and all donations are tax deductible and go directly to the agency and applied to our fees, we never even have it in our hands. I like that.

But, as it looks now, we could possibly get a late June court date, or maybe early July? That is what we are praying for. If we were to pass court on the first try, then we would travel five weeks later. I am so hopeful we can get the kids home during nice weather and settled in before winter. Also, we have met our family out of pocket deductible on our health insurance, so it sure would be nice to get all the kids in to the specialists and better medical treatment while we don't have to deal with that.

I am so very grateful for this entire experience! God is so good! I cannot explain how this has happened so fast, sometimes I have to remind myself that we committed to this in the end of January!!! My mommy heart wants these kiddos home, wants my two that need the doctors to be in and under better medical care. I want all my kids under one roof, on one continent!! LOL! What a thought.

We have been asked to be interviewed by a local paper - a small one, so no biggie. Steve will be talking to the reporter tomorrow. We just want our story to speak to other people's hearts for the waiting kids out there. What if one more could have a home and family? What if one more could get lifesaving medical care? What if one more family could be blessed? What if? I know that at some point our house and family will be full, unable to expand anymore, but how do you turn away? I don't know. I don't know if we will consider adopting again. I don't know. When is enough enough? I don't know. I think there is always more that needs to be done, but there are seasons in life. Right now, this is this particular season. I don't know how long it will last or where it will lead. I at least want to know that when I stand before my Lord that I can say "I did all that I could do" - or maybe I will just slide in and say "wow, what a ride!". LOL. Just kidding. But it seems that there is so much out there to do. God had led us on this road and we are just trying to stay walking on it, even when it is difficult to see. One step at a time. That is how we have done so many experiences - Kiley's diagnosis and dealing with diabetes, foster parenting, mentoring teen moms, our first adoption, moving to our farm and building it, and now this. Just one step at a time. There are times I wish we could jump over some spots, but that isn't possible. So, we just keep asking for God's guidance with each step and to the next one. I don't know where he will lead us, but we will follow.

Anyway, I hope you are staying warm on this rainy spring night! I will post more photos soon - it has been a busy spring! Gotta love spring on the farm - the baby goats are hysterical chasing each other around, and now a hen is sitting on some eggs so in about three weeks we should have some little peepers!!! We don't let many of our hens go broody (they want to sit on a nest and hatch them out), but now is the right time of year to do it! This way the little ones will be full grown long before cold weather and healthy to weather the winter and add to our egg laying flock! Whoo-hoo! We should have quite a flock! I so love, love, love free range eggs! Makes the extra work worth it - but the kids love the constant "easter" egg hunt! Daily! LOL!

Happy Spring and God bless!

Welcome to Spring in Wisconsin!

Okay, to set the stage:

We have two dogs, we live in the middle of nowhere, and the dogs during the day generally stay outside on chains (they love to roam, so we have to keep them safe while we work to teach them better). They have a HUGE doghouse, that is always stocked with a huge water bucket. So, they have comfy digs, for farm dogs anyway.

We went to church on Sunday morning, very early as usual, and had errands to run after church. So the dogs were outside.

Unfortunately it started to rain. Fortunately they have a great doghouse that we hoped they would use - sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

Oh, and being Wisconsin, a wonderful about 70 degree day must be followed by a freezing cold, wet 38 degree day. Sunday would be the latter. Ugh.

No problem, we had worked really hard on the nice day to do all the outside stuff so we could be inside on the coming yucky day.

And then we got home to this:


The princess was not happy. Generally she is white, but who would know?


So, our plan to go inside was not going to happen. Our dogs come inside when we are home or generally want them for company or they want us for company.

But needless to say not like this. And did I forget to mention that it was 38 degrees? And my bathroom is finally painted and has pretty shower curtains and I didn't want some dirty dog tossing muddy water all the way to my ceiling as she shook? Generally baths in the tub (for dogs) result in me needing to wash every wall and surface as all that water and soap simply MUST be shared with the walls, ceiling and light fixtures, to say the least.

No way, no how. So the deed must be done outside. Generally I like to wait for a nice warm day to do this to them and me (because of course, I will end up soaked too). Did I mention it was 38 degrees? And the water from our well comes out at about 50? Ugh.

See very not happy dog beginning to get washed:


Notice all the needed help?


Oh my, "must you?" must have been in her mind.


The shampooing begins:


Look out, here it comes!!!




The photos that didn't get done are all the towels that were used to rub the poor thing dry! We let her shake and shake and shake, and then dried and dried and dried. And THEN she could go in the house!!!

Ah, but there was another culprit, but his mud doesn't show as well:


And labs' coats repel water, so washing them is a whole 'nother experience.


Can we say "NOT a happy dog?"?


And now he too can shake off, followed by many towels and drying and then in the warmer house!


Ah, but the true scene of the crime! The real mess they made while we were gone!


The hole had been smaller around the tree, this poor ancient tree that was barely hanging on anyway, as you can tell by the trunk.




After this fiasco, the decision that had been long put off was made, and dear hubby went out and chopped the silly thing down. I don't think it would have made it this year anyway, but the dogs certainly didn't help!

So, a multitude of us were wet and cold by the time all this was done, as well as being somewhat sore from the work of the day before! That was it! Kids could watch videos and relax in cozy pajamas for the rest of the day! Mom threw in the towel, set the timer and washed dishes in 15 minute increments, spaced in between with some reading time! What a day!

Did I mention that it was 38 degrees?