Ever have a day that seemed to go really well, and when it was done you just might have missed the boat? For me that generally induces a panic attack. Quiet and internal, but there. Today I worked most of the day, the kids were well cared for, everyone fine, I got everywhere I was supposed to and got done what was on my list. But when I got home I felt like I had spent the whole day on the wrong track and no one knew it but me. And I couldn't see it until just now.
We know that these few days of working are of limited time, and to meet specific needs, for a limited time, but when I get home, I feel a sudden overwhelming crushing stress. Not that things aren't done, not that everyone isn't fine, but just there.
I know that the place I belong is home, and heaven knows, there is enough to do here to keep me forever busy, even with the energy of the Energizer Bunny. This is totally where my heart is, where my value is. I know that this is another season, that God is holding me up, holding us all up, preparing us for whatever season he has called us to.
Breath of heaven, hold me together, be forever near me, Breath of heaven.
Breath of heaven, lighten my darkness, pour over me your holiness for you are holy.
But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan.
As a mother, my main goal is to be here for my children and my deepest desire is to be here for every second. I so am fed off of being with them, they are my strength and my purpose. This is who I am at this point in time. I know it is a season, and I am determined to glean every bit of it that I can. This is the season I am in, this is the season I am called to be focused in. I know that one day I will look back and wonder where the time went.
And I just want to know that I did everything that God called me to do in this season of my life. This is my chance to really pour into my childrens lives. I can have more influence on their futures at this point than I will be able to at later times. I want to know that I did everything they needed me to do.
Maybe this is the prayer of every mother. This is certainly my prayer. I don't want to miss a moment. I don't want to waste a moment.
"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans for hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11