Look at this!!!!

Hi all,
Now, if you know me very well, you know that we live in a house that was Amish built in the 1880's. It was a great deal when we bought it (complete with the 9+ acres) because the house was in such horrible shape. Overall, good structural shape, lousy interior shape. Picture filth, bugs, furniture and tons of stuff. And an entire second story in great need of renovation. Some day I will have the nerve to post the before pictures, but they were truly horrible. We had most of the upstairs redone by professionals in order to get it done as quickly as possible so the kids could move into their rooms without being terrorized by how awful it looked. Seriously.

Well, the downside of the whole thing is that you get tired. Tired of the constant renovations and of things just not being done. This year has been the year of fences and containments for our animals, and fall and winter of a new laundry room door, new plumbing in the bathroom, new tile in the bathroom, and a new paint job (in progress) in the bathroom. Add to that the normals of life: working part time, homeschooling five kids, parenting, being a family and all of that. Needless to say the progress is slow and in fits and starts as time and money allows.

Well, my kitchen counters have not been clear or done since we moved in here - as long as their was room to get stuff done (and things that just didn't seem to have places to go) life went on. Well, today, we made headway!!! Take a look at my gorgeous cupboards, antique scale (thanks to my grandparents), and composting pail. Yay! I feel like our tiny kitchen grew by miles.


And another view:

And the other thing we are trying: a recipe for bread, you make the ingredients for eight loaves of bread, let it rise for about two hours, then put it in the fridge. When you want to make a loaf, you cut out 1/8th, about the size of a grapefruit, and set it out to rise. Then you pop it in the over and "ta-da" fresh bread!!! Our plan is that I pull it when I get up in the AM, set it out to rise when I toss in a load of laundry and while I shower and get ready for work. Then pop it in the oven while I start rousing the kids - they get up to fresh bread and jam or cinnamon sugar, and we have breakfast together before I leave for work!!!

Got to love it. I got the recipe from the most recent edition of Mother Earth News, so check it out!

Well, I hope to send photos of the new bathroom project as we get it just a bit farther - the end is in sight!

You never know...

I know that many a pastor tells us to study the bible, to read it well. And those same pastors also often tell us not to just open up the bible randomly to expect God to speak to us. But, I tend to disagree. I do tend to believe that often God knows better than I do what I really need on a particular day that He will speak to me in whatever means I will open up to him. And yes, I do believe that if I allow him to do his work, that he can get through to me, before I even know that I need it.

Today was another example of that. In the craziness that life is sometimes, it is easy to view Bible time as a rote thing, even when I don't want to. I have read so much over the years, have heard it over and over in my life, that sometimes you sort of hear it again and think "yep, yeah, this I have heard before, I know this". And it is easy to not hear what you really need to hear, deep down in your soul that day. I struggle with this on a regular basis. I have heard so much, it resounds in my head and I even forget when I first heard most of it. And that is different than having it resound intensely in your soul - though it lives there, some days there are days it really needs to resound.

Today I am in a strange place, a whole different place than my normal life - I am at a continuing education course (I am by trade a speech language pathologist) at a fancy hotel in downtown Chicago. Way different from my usual! No farm animals, me alone in a hotel room at night, no laundry to switch, no cooking, on and on, way from my normal. And feeling very out of place. The course is amazing, and very, very challenging! The pre course preparation was very difficult, and the course has proven to be just as challenging. I am very hopeful that it will add a lot to my ability to help my patients. But, the overall situation is very weird for me. Talk about feeling like a fish out of water!

So, this morning I looked at my Bible on the nightstand, and didn't know where to even start, but wanted to read something this morning, to really start the day off right. And the Bible opened to Isaiah 45:19: I am the Lord, and there is no other. I have not spoken in secret, from somewhere in a land of darkness. I have not said to Jacob's descendants, "Seek me in vain." I, the Lord, speak the truth; I declare what is right. Gather together and come, assemble, you fugitives from the nations. Ingnorant are those who carry about idols of wood, who pray to gods that cannot save. Declare what is to be, present it - let them take counsel together. Who foretold this long ago, who declared it from the distant past? Was it not I, the Lord? And there is no God apart from me, a righteous God and savior; there is none but me. Turn to me and be saved, all you ends of the earth; for I am God and there is no other. By myself I have sworn, my mouth has uttered in all integrity a word that will not be revoked; Before me every knee will bow; by me everty tongue will swear. They will say of me, "in the Lord alone are deliverance and strength." All who have raged against him will come to him and be put to shame. But all the descendants of Israel will find deliverance in the Lord and will make their boast in him.

I am so glad that we were adopted into the Lord's family, that Christ made this all possible, for us to be joint heirs with Christ, that we are valued and a part of God's creation.

I have been struggling with finding my new roles, maybe it is more of one of those "mid-life" things. I am knowing that I am facing 40 soon, that I am facing life changes that I have mixed feelings about - perhaps no more babies, having teenagers, working part time, considering returning the kids to school or if we are fine with what we are doing, looking at a few more years with my oldest, pondering what impact I will leave behind on the world when I am gone.

I am not satisfied with just traversing this life. You have to understand, there are several reasons for this. For one, I was raised in the faith, raised by wonderful parents who instilled that faith deep inside my soul. And that requires something of me. That requires that I carry on that legacy, not only in my own family (that would be maintaining the status quo) but elsewhere. Second, my dad was an amazing man - and he left this life too early. Somehow, my living on means that I must do something to carry on what he might have done. I don't exactly know what that is, but I know lots of what that isn't. I need to move forward, to try to do something that he would be proud of. I don't know why that is so important to me, but it is. It is deep in my heart. When you watch a man of God live it out from day to day, when you see someone work day in and day out with integrity, honesty and faith, it requires a response from you. It requires that you pull a little deeper from within yourself and pull yourself a little farther. It sets the bar a little higher. I want to know that somehow my kids will feel the same. That God has called them to something a little bit more. I want to see them work to find the strength to do the hard things, whatever that might be for them. If I don't live it out, they won't have a pattern to follow. I wish they had met my dad, that they could have known him, so the only way they will get his message is through me. What if I fail him?

So, what does that mean? I simply don't know. Except some days it means that I mustn't complain about what is hard, about doing what needs to be done, about doing the correct thing. I wish sometimes I could see farther down the road, a clearer path of what is to come. I simply don't know. I don't know what is going to happen in the next year, with the economy, the larger pictures. I just don't know. But, I know that I get up each day, do the daily work, try to show my kids what they need to grow strong and wise, try to be the person I am supposed to be that day, try to see for the next day what needs to be done and accomplished. I know that I need to find a way to have more faith, to walk where God would have me walk. I am not sure I know where that really is some days, and some days it is just enough light for the step I am on. I wish I had answers. I really wish I did. Some days it is just doing the one thing that has to be done that day. To do one more step, to clean one more spot, to fulfill one more task, to love one more child, to learn more, to just try to move on. Some days it is mundane, some days it is a bit more exciting. I just don't understand not trying to take steps forward. I don't know how to do anything else. Some things I so want to change, some things I am totally unable to change. So, when you have this kind of a mindset, right or wrong, what do you do when you are nearly 40? I just don't know. I know that you just move forward day to day. When I was 20 I had vision for where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. What do you do when you have done that, or when you have changed your focus? I don't want it to be about money, about stuff, about comfort. I want something a bit more than that.

So, I go back to the Word. And the Word for today said that God is God. That he speaks the truth, that he has put his words out there for us, that we are to declare what God says. It said that God is our savior, righteous. That we are to turn to him. And I am turning. Trying to turn each and every day. But, is seems like turning to God requires more than just immersing ourselves in the Word, that God asks for action also. It is easy to end up being no earthly good to God. I am very action focused, it is who I am. So, to me, in order to be in God, I also must be in action too. If I hole up in my little corner, read my Bible, rely on God for my needs, but sit with that, then what have I done? I remember watching "The Passion of the Christ" and coming away with the feeling of "what do I do with this?" because to acknowledge all that I had seen and to really viscerally take it in, well, then it required that somehow you must do something. It was not enough to be grateful, to rely on grace. It demanded an answer, a response beyond just emotion and words. I question myself regularly on if I am living that out. I hope so. I hope I raise my kids to question themselves the same way.

How did we get here, and how could we be anywhere else?

Hi all,
I am going to try to put all the rambling thoughts from this evening into words.

First of all, it is amazing what can bring up all that needs to be brought up. I have been in contact with a friend from childhood, who I have rarely had contact with since high school and marriage and all that. Nothing like trying to explain your life to someone who has missed the steps along the way, to really make you evaluate how you will explain all this. So, it has been introspective to say the least.

And then to listen to my 9 year old son, home from Ethiopia not even a year and a half, address his brother in protest " but dude,...". Much giggling from Mommy ensued. It was so priceless that I cannot even begin to express it, the inflections, the 9 year old's indignation (I think that older brother was winning at Life game). I think I spent a good share of the game in giggles. We have had a tougher stretch with the kids lately as we all adjust to the changes in our lives, my work schedule, disappointments and all. It was so delightful to simply play a game (and teach place value again, and again, but maybe it stuck this time), and just enjoy each other. Once again we told the story of how we came to learn about the kids, how it felt to first see them, the heartbreak of the sadness we saw on our visit, as well as the majesty. Once more we all processed it at a different level, yet again. As the English has progressed, we have been able to go into deeper and deeper details, to explain our feelings and God's blessings. I think I can see this continuing for a long time. And the whole evening really mended some fences as we work through all that families work through. It was good to just enjoy each other, even though initially I thought I was too tired to do a game. We had a truly wonderful time.

Thank you God, for reminding me again of all the joys we have, and how grateful I am for each of my children, no matter what we may face with each. Thank you for moments of joy, even when I really don't think I want them.

And thank you so much for our warm house, our snug barns and our lovely furnace, as the first snowstorm of the year is upon us! Listening to the wind whistle through my laundry room makes me sad that the door that was ordered was miskeyed in the computer, and it still doesn't fit. I am grateful that the right sized door will be in soon, but wish it was there now! At least no snow is coming in, just rattling the door and letting in some cold air. I love winter, observed from inside for the most part!!!! That means that knowing that the storm was coming, we worked outside before it set in getting our animals set, getting the grounds cleaned up (anything buried under the snow may just be gone until spring), and getting everyone settled. It was good to know that as the first snowflakes started to fall, that all on our farm were settled in, ready for the storm.
Anyway, goodnight all! Stay snug and warm!
Christy

Great quote!

I am only one, but still, I am one.
I cannot do everything, but I can do something.
And because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do what I can.

* Edward Everett Hale

(I found this on someone else's blog and it really spoke to the heart today, so I posted it here, I hope no one minds)

Let Thanksgiving begin!!!!!

Whew, what fun! And actually uttered without sarcasm. I am able to sit for a few minutes while the draino is working on the bathtub drain, and everything else is moving along or done.

It has been a long two weeks, work, illness and what not. We are working on paperwork for a homestudy, and that is that. So, after a long couple days working extra so I can be off for three days to visit with my family things are rolling along.

I usually am not an early riser, or rather am a slow riser, usually up and active by 9, up before then but not too active. You know, get my coffee, get a shower, get dressed, get my brain working. It works out quite well that I work early in the morning for my job, I have a half hour drive so it lets me get really going by the time I get to work. Anyway, it has been a long couple days. But, as much as I thought I would normally want to laze in bed a little longer this morning, there were many things to do. Surprisingly, it felt really good to get up, with the house mostly silent (kids slowly getting up), and get some things going. Would you believe that by 10AM I had three pies either done or in the oven (first time I've ever made pie by the way!!!) six loaves of friendship bread done (one loaf makes a good breakfast for everyone!), squash cut and ready to go in the oven, and a roast in the crockpot for lunch. Whey bread was being mixed up and then set to rise, four loaves of that today. The only thing left to do is to make stuffing, but that will most likely be done early in the morning while the kids take care of the animals before we leave for Thanksgiving with my family.

So, maybe that is the miracle of Thanksgiving - I had an absolute ball working with the kids on all of this. They were in and out of the kitchen, some helping with one thing, some with another, sharing stories about the animals outside, things that happened, thoughts. Years and years, I have hated cooking, did it because it needed to be done, but really didn't enjoy it. And now, this last year, I have noticed that I actually like it. Thank goodness I am getting better at it, and more confident with trying more variations, and we now have a couple dishes that I have "created" that the kids even ask for! (They were based on simple recipes that we found, that I added things to or modified with using up something that we needed to use up.) So, anyway, after three interruptions, I may finish this paragraph! That could be another Thanksgiving miracle!!! I had the most enjoyable day, and spent most of it cooking!!!!!

So, the next thing was that I really wanted to get my shower in! But the drain is yet again moving very slowly. Hence the draino. And the wait. We are hoping to watch a short movie this afternoon, but I had better get running if that is to get done!

I hope you all have a lovely Thanksgiving, however you choose to celebrate it. We are going to have seven children at my folks house (ages 4 to 14), visiting with cousins and great grandparents (from two sides of the family) and aunts and uncles. I think it will be absolutely delightful! Loud most likely, but wonderful fun!!!!

Happy beginning of the crazy holiday season!

anyone reading this - help!!!!????

Hi all,
Today has been a bit of a whirlwind, just as I am getting ready to go back to work after being out with strep. Let's just say that the phone rang.

We have been in touch with an adoption agency in IL that specializes in special needs adoption, a place where our hearts are at. We had talked about an infant that was supposed to be due in February - that gave us some time, right? Considering our homestudy isn't current, I am working, and on and on. Well, that baby came last week and thankfully a couple was ready and able to take this baby girl. We truly are glad about that. So, we put it on the back burner, thinking about "when should we start another homestudy, just in case?". And then the phone rang....

There is a baby in IL, born with Treacher-Collins Syndrome, a cranio-facial disorder. The baby is a week old and the parents have decided that they cannot raise the child. The baby won't be released from the hospital for two more weeks or longer. So, our first thing is: could we parent with this issue? Our answer is yes, we have actually even talked about this syndrome, and given that I am a pediatric speech language pathologist, it is right directly up my alley. So that was settled. The second question is can we be ready with a completed homestudy in time to bring the baby home, as finding an appropriate foster placement (that would be at our expense also) would be a challenge. My thing is: if this child is coming to our family, I need that child to come directly from the hospital to our home as I need to see the doctors and have all that info prior to bringing the child home - I believe it will have lifelong implications. So, if a homestudy cannot be done that rapidly or if something else cannot be worked out to make this happen, then our answer should be no. The adoption agency is checking to see if they can use our home as the foster home as we are already foster parents and licensed. Hmmmm. Next step - um, yeah, the funds. We were working towards that, but weren't there. I think this is one of those things you are never prepared for. Figure about $3000 for a homestudy right away (and I am sure they won't cut their fees to rush this, and who could blame them???), and then the agency fees are $13,000. But the good news is that is all there is. At least that is what I am told, that this includes everything. It should. I don't know that there would even be time to apply for grants as most grant agencies require that you apply before the child is placed with you. Not much time there given that the homestudy is required for grant processing and we would basically have the homestudy done and pick up the child, at least in theory.

So, I am plugging my Amazon store (see previous post) and anything you can think of!!!! I am trying to get a button on my blog for donations, but with this economy, I don't expect any. I will try to pull some things together for sales before Christmas (whether it is Usborne or whatever).

If anyone has any ideas, I would greatly appreciate it. At this point I just thought I would throw out the need in case anyone's brain was working better and faster than mine. I am still a bit shellshocked and gathering information. At the very least, if we are unable to do this, I think it really pushes us to get a homestudy DONE in case this comes up another time. Most special needs aren't identified prior to birth, so there isn't much warning. And these kiddos are generally hard to place, so things happen rapidly.

So, I am taking a deep breath, and trying to get my head together to logically think this through. One moment. I hate when things are unknown, but God is stretching me!!!!
Thanks for letting me spill my guts!
Christy

Down for the count....

Imagine a mom of many's worst nightmare. What would it be?

Hmm, let's think for a minute....

How about an entire houseful of sick kids??? Kids with something contagious?

Yep, that is what is happening here, though it isn't as bad as it could be.

Kiley called me at work this morning to tell me that her throat hurt so badly that she couldn't swallow. Now let me remind/tell you, this is our kiddo with type 1 diabetes. That adds an element of urgency to all medical situations as all illnesses and injuries affect her diabetes control. A diabetic kid who cannot eat is not a good thing.

I had peeked at her throat last night, as it was sore, and it had looked pretty awful, so we were watching it, but this was worse. A quick call to the doctor, and I was leaving work to get the kids in to the doctor. My first thought was step, as that always seems to be going around, though we haven't had it that I can remember in years. I decided to take all the kids - if one has it, most likely more than one has it, the way I figured it, and dragging them in one at a time to a doctor a half hour away from home just didn't make sense. Sure enough, Kiley has a serious case of strep throat. No surprise there. So, to the nurses' surprise, we hauled the other four kids in and did strep tests on them too. The look on their faces when I asked them to do that was priceless!!! LOL. We literally lined them up and got it done while I registered the others - ugh, five co-pays for the same visit. I get it, but jeepers!

Well, only Alex ended up being positive also, but the wonderful doctor decided not to wait for the longer version of the tests to come back and just prescribed antibiotics for all the kids. Yay! Because otherwise you know I would be doing the same thing again in a couple days.

So, everyone is quarantined until the antibiotics have been going for 48 hours. That is what the pediatrician said anyway. I thought it was 24 hours, but need to go by what she says. I called the doctor for those of us adults (the ones that are very outnumbered in our house!) and thankfully, he didn't even want to bother sending me in for a test (it will come up positive most likely anyway as my throat is becoming increasingly raw) and just sent me in for meds for hubby and myself. Whew, that means two less doctor appointments.

So, we are at home. Yay! And not so yay! So far no one has been too crabby, and I am keeping them going on school and what not, and we splurged on a couple movies for some down time. So, hopefully things will improve. I think in larger families, it never just happens to one kid, but I will take this over having them all throwing up or something like that!!!!!

Kiley has been very lucky and her diabetes hasn't caused us any trouble so far this round of illness, but that doesn't really mean anything as we aren't out of the woods yet. Usually diabetic kids will run really high blood sugars when they are sick, in fact parents of kids with diabetes have actual "sick day protocols" to safely get through these days. I mean it, I have a printout from our doctor of hour by hour how to safely get through them. But, Kiley being Kiley, never really follows the usual. When she is sick, she tends to run low rather than high. Now, that causes more immediate problems but to a certain extent is a bit easier to battle, though it takes much more vigilance. Right now she is running on her low end of normal, not below her parameters, but close. And this makes tonight one night that I am very grateful that we have her on her continuous glucose monitor (CGM). It is a wonderful thing, checks her blood sugars every five minutes and displays it on the screen of what looks like a large pager. But, the best thing is that it alarms when she goes out of range. And when she goes low, it will keep alarming until things improve. So, I will sleep with an ear open, though when I checked on her just a bit ago things were normal and in range. Our doctor asked what we liked about our CGM, because it really does give a ton of info, almost too much to be helpful, though we find that it is extraordinarily helpful. In all honesty that alarm is our greatest asset with it. It is one more safety net. We have worked through dangerous lows, and woke up one night to her screaming in the midst of a low blood sugar seizure. I don't ever want to see that again, and this helps us to have some warning. So, anyway, we hope to sleep, hope that she doesn't do her own unusual thing with blood sugars, at least for tonight anyway. We will take it moment by moment.

So, I took my last dose of antibiotics for tonight, and I am off to bed. What craziness!