Just another reminder that there is so much to do! As I enjoyed my kids' Christmas - for some of them their first one here - I thoroughly reveled in their faces, the magic, the joy, the laughter, the love.
And yet, my heart breaks for those that don't have a family of their own. There are so many and I am so sad for them all. Please listen to this and think about what you can do. To many of those that read this blog, I am preaching to the choir - we are families with adopted children in our midst. But, if you cannot bring a child home or are not called to it, please think about how you can love on waiting children, needy children, or the families who can. I know that this stretch in our life has been challenging not only with all the adjustments for all ten of us, but for learning to budget and meet the needs of everyone. We have the ability, but sometimes things just come all at once. And that doesn't mean just financially, but health-wise, stress wise, obligation wise, work wise, it all adds up. There are seasons that are more challenging, and we know that we will weather it and come out. But sometimes it feels like a ship sailing through rough seas - and we know that many have it rougher.
Anyway, enjoy the video, let it touch your heart, love on everyone you can!!!! Merry Christmas all!!!
A life of love
Everyone should have a Great Pyrenees
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
The strangest bedtime conversation...
Kiley pulled me over as I was shooing the crew up to bed - we have a routine that takes a while, including two kids checking blood sugars and getting shots, two taking prescription medications, all getting vitamins, trips to the bathroom (we only have one), getting in pajamas, and everyone getting hugs.
Initially, it seemed that the request to "tell" me something was likely an excuse to stay up later and certainly to stall things. But, as I sat down at the table across from my daughter, a story came out that I still find hard to understand. It seems that little Ben, one of the newer to join our family, had asked if we were really taking a trip to Grandma Jan's (in a nearby state) for Christmas or if the kids were just told that to keep them "happy". It seems that in the orphanage it was very common for the kids to be told to pack their bags, grab their coats as later they were to go somewhere/do something fun. And later, when they asked about it, they were told that they really weren't going, that they had been told that to make them happy. (AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! Can you see my mommyhead exploding????)
I was absolutely stunned. After sitting with my mouth open, I was able to close it and then realize that Aman was standing behind me. I turned and asked him if they would really do that in the orphanage. He very directly stated "yes, all the time". I was so stunned and horrified. He laughed because he could clearly see on my face that I was totally blown away by this. I somewhat stumblingly but clearly stated that under no conditions would we ever do something like that to them and that I felt that it was just wrong to have this ever done to them in the first place!!! I said several times and several ways that we would never lie to them to make them feel better for a few minutes or hours or days or weeks or ever. That it certainly was unkind to do that to someone. I could see that Aman was relieved, but also understood completely how much it meant to us.
So, here are my thoughts, beyond what a horrible thing to do to children,: I find it completely amazing that these kids trust us as much as they seemingly do, after adults have done this to them. No wonder they sometimes hold back a little to see if I will truly do what I have said I would do. How could they do anything else??? I am just amazed at how resilient these kiddos are and all that they have been through. I am still basically speechless. Why would someone do that? Is it just one way to manage a large group of kids when you are overwhelmed? I just don't know. And I don't see it as particularly helpful either.
You know, in older child adoption, our kids come to us with life histories, and sometimes (often?) these histories are not what we want for our kids to ever have experienced. I would spare my kids each and every pain they have ever experienced, but I cannot do that even for the kids that I have raised from birth. Then add in my "non-birth" kiddos - the things that happened to them and their first families were not things we would have ever wanted to have happen to anyone, but these are also the things that led to them being available for adoption. They are their life experiences, and to deny them would be useless as well as detrimental. So, we must accept them and build on them and build a positive future together. Their life experiences actually make them who they are. It is part of the whole package.
And in reality, it enriches our lives, all our lives. Truly, I have been stretched in ways I never imagined, or sometimes wished to be, and our experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. How do you reach out to a child you love with your whole heart and accept their love for another mother, when you are also their mother? It is easy and not easy, if we accept the whole package. I need to value who I am to this child and also value who that woman was to this child. We share the love of this child. Whether death or something else has separated my child from his/her first family, it matters not. I expect my children to love their first families as I love my father who has been deceased for more than 25 years, and as I love my "step" father, a man who I have recently begun to refer to as my dad, without any loss of value to my first father. I love both for who they are to me, and I am sure neither would begrudge that, but these two men would instead honor each other for the value each has given to my life.
One of the things I want for my children is for them to know that they can count on me. That I will do everything that I can to keep my word to them, that people can and should be relied on to do the right thing. I don't know what other things will come up that will surprise me, but I am very sure that there will be more. And I pray for God's hand as I try to deal with each one and work out the best for my children's lives as we build from what was to what will be.
Initially, it seemed that the request to "tell" me something was likely an excuse to stay up later and certainly to stall things. But, as I sat down at the table across from my daughter, a story came out that I still find hard to understand. It seems that little Ben, one of the newer to join our family, had asked if we were really taking a trip to Grandma Jan's (in a nearby state) for Christmas or if the kids were just told that to keep them "happy". It seems that in the orphanage it was very common for the kids to be told to pack their bags, grab their coats as later they were to go somewhere/do something fun. And later, when they asked about it, they were told that they really weren't going, that they had been told that to make them happy. (AAAGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!! Can you see my mommyhead exploding????)
I was absolutely stunned. After sitting with my mouth open, I was able to close it and then realize that Aman was standing behind me. I turned and asked him if they would really do that in the orphanage. He very directly stated "yes, all the time". I was so stunned and horrified. He laughed because he could clearly see on my face that I was totally blown away by this. I somewhat stumblingly but clearly stated that under no conditions would we ever do something like that to them and that I felt that it was just wrong to have this ever done to them in the first place!!! I said several times and several ways that we would never lie to them to make them feel better for a few minutes or hours or days or weeks or ever. That it certainly was unkind to do that to someone. I could see that Aman was relieved, but also understood completely how much it meant to us.
So, here are my thoughts, beyond what a horrible thing to do to children,: I find it completely amazing that these kids trust us as much as they seemingly do, after adults have done this to them. No wonder they sometimes hold back a little to see if I will truly do what I have said I would do. How could they do anything else??? I am just amazed at how resilient these kiddos are and all that they have been through. I am still basically speechless. Why would someone do that? Is it just one way to manage a large group of kids when you are overwhelmed? I just don't know. And I don't see it as particularly helpful either.
You know, in older child adoption, our kids come to us with life histories, and sometimes (often?) these histories are not what we want for our kids to ever have experienced. I would spare my kids each and every pain they have ever experienced, but I cannot do that even for the kids that I have raised from birth. Then add in my "non-birth" kiddos - the things that happened to them and their first families were not things we would have ever wanted to have happen to anyone, but these are also the things that led to them being available for adoption. They are their life experiences, and to deny them would be useless as well as detrimental. So, we must accept them and build on them and build a positive future together. Their life experiences actually make them who they are. It is part of the whole package.
And in reality, it enriches our lives, all our lives. Truly, I have been stretched in ways I never imagined, or sometimes wished to be, and our experiences have been overwhelmingly positive. How do you reach out to a child you love with your whole heart and accept their love for another mother, when you are also their mother? It is easy and not easy, if we accept the whole package. I need to value who I am to this child and also value who that woman was to this child. We share the love of this child. Whether death or something else has separated my child from his/her first family, it matters not. I expect my children to love their first families as I love my father who has been deceased for more than 25 years, and as I love my "step" father, a man who I have recently begun to refer to as my dad, without any loss of value to my first father. I love both for who they are to me, and I am sure neither would begrudge that, but these two men would instead honor each other for the value each has given to my life.
One of the things I want for my children is for them to know that they can count on me. That I will do everything that I can to keep my word to them, that people can and should be relied on to do the right thing. I don't know what other things will come up that will surprise me, but I am very sure that there will be more. And I pray for God's hand as I try to deal with each one and work out the best for my children's lives as we build from what was to what will be.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Two grandmas
This year, in the midst of all the activity of life, my two remaining grandmothers passed away, within five months of each other.
At the time, both had been ill and struggling with health issues after a long life. Saying goodbye to them at the time was about mixed feelings - sad that they weren't with us, but glad for them that they had gone home to be with our Lord (and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they had), and glad their earthly pains and struggles were over and they were enjoying bodies that were strong and complete now.
As time has moved on, there are moments where I catch myself wanting to share something with each of them, or to think about how much they would have enjoyed something.
It has hit a lot this week. It has been a long crazy week. It was little E's birthday on the 18th, and it is hard to think that she is five and we can only pray that she is well. She will forever be a child of our hearts. It is good that she has not come into care, and we have not been called back into the role of foster parents. That means that hopefully things are good with her and her family. But it is still a very hard day for us.
And the 15th was Grandma Dorothy's birthday. Part of Christmas always included traditions that she started, or memories of things she did each and every year for Christmas. I found myself wanting to make her cut out cookies and to learn how to ice them like she used to. She was such an artistic person and elevated her cookie making to a true art form. Not like I have too much time to work on it, but all I could think about was how much my kids would love to decorate those same cookies. So, thanks to my mom and my aunt, I have not gotten her recipe (I had many others of hers, but somehow, not that one) and even some memories from everyone on how Grandma made those cookies! But it is so bittersweet. I am so glad that she celebrated her birthday in heaven and will celebrate Christmas there. I can only imagine!
And Grandma Jean. She was such a blessing, coming into our family when I was an adult, when my mom remarried. She welcomed my brother and I just as her own grandchildren, and our children were truly her great-grandchildren. I could not have asked for a better gift than this sweet lady, who would quietly share life experiences that were helpful to me. We had many things in common and I truly enjoyed the time I got to spend with her. My kids all treasure the teddy bears from Grandma Jean, who sincerely believed that everyone should have a teddy bear.
Both grandmas became sweet friends to each other, and just today, I was imagining them, up in heaven, chatting away at a table or in rocking chairs as they knitted away. I have so many memories of the two of them enjoying each others company. I hope my dad joins them and visits with them - what a reunion that must have been, when Grandma Dorothy arrived in heaven. I am very sure that my dad was among the first to greet her, though there are so many.
So, it is a bittersweet Christmas, catching me a bit off guard. I want to carry forward for my children what these wonderful ladies taught me through their examples. I will remember them and tell stories to my children. I will also remember their faith and how they each lived it out in their own ways.
The people who come and go in our lives are true blessings. We are given the gift of time and love with them. Sometimes, life is so busy, there is so much to do, that we don't think of it each day, but nothing material will ever compare to those relationships and gift of time.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!! Praying for a happy holiday season for you and yours!
At the time, both had been ill and struggling with health issues after a long life. Saying goodbye to them at the time was about mixed feelings - sad that they weren't with us, but glad for them that they had gone home to be with our Lord (and knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that they had), and glad their earthly pains and struggles were over and they were enjoying bodies that were strong and complete now.
As time has moved on, there are moments where I catch myself wanting to share something with each of them, or to think about how much they would have enjoyed something.
It has hit a lot this week. It has been a long crazy week. It was little E's birthday on the 18th, and it is hard to think that she is five and we can only pray that she is well. She will forever be a child of our hearts. It is good that she has not come into care, and we have not been called back into the role of foster parents. That means that hopefully things are good with her and her family. But it is still a very hard day for us.
And the 15th was Grandma Dorothy's birthday. Part of Christmas always included traditions that she started, or memories of things she did each and every year for Christmas. I found myself wanting to make her cut out cookies and to learn how to ice them like she used to. She was such an artistic person and elevated her cookie making to a true art form. Not like I have too much time to work on it, but all I could think about was how much my kids would love to decorate those same cookies. So, thanks to my mom and my aunt, I have not gotten her recipe (I had many others of hers, but somehow, not that one) and even some memories from everyone on how Grandma made those cookies! But it is so bittersweet. I am so glad that she celebrated her birthday in heaven and will celebrate Christmas there. I can only imagine!
And Grandma Jean. She was such a blessing, coming into our family when I was an adult, when my mom remarried. She welcomed my brother and I just as her own grandchildren, and our children were truly her great-grandchildren. I could not have asked for a better gift than this sweet lady, who would quietly share life experiences that were helpful to me. We had many things in common and I truly enjoyed the time I got to spend with her. My kids all treasure the teddy bears from Grandma Jean, who sincerely believed that everyone should have a teddy bear.
Both grandmas became sweet friends to each other, and just today, I was imagining them, up in heaven, chatting away at a table or in rocking chairs as they knitted away. I have so many memories of the two of them enjoying each others company. I hope my dad joins them and visits with them - what a reunion that must have been, when Grandma Dorothy arrived in heaven. I am very sure that my dad was among the first to greet her, though there are so many.
So, it is a bittersweet Christmas, catching me a bit off guard. I want to carry forward for my children what these wonderful ladies taught me through their examples. I will remember them and tell stories to my children. I will also remember their faith and how they each lived it out in their own ways.
The people who come and go in our lives are true blessings. We are given the gift of time and love with them. Sometimes, life is so busy, there is so much to do, that we don't think of it each day, but nothing material will ever compare to those relationships and gift of time.
Merry Christmas everyone!!!!! Praying for a happy holiday season for you and yours!
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Great news!
Hi,
Some friends of ours just got word that they passed court for the two children they are adopting from Ethiopia!!!! One child has special needs (a limb difference) and the other is 18 months. Funny those things qualify both as "special needs".
Anyway, I am so stinkin' excited for them all. It looks like they will travel late January or early February to bring the darlings home. Of course at the very end of the process, there are a great many fees and expenses that come to bear. JJ has come up with some very creative fundraisers. If you would like to see her blog (it is great by the way) and consider some coffee, or wonderful adoption/love t-shirts please do visit. http://bethe7percent.blogspot.com Her blog is well worth your time!
I am hoping to purchase soon, just need to sort out and make sure I have things covered here! You know - Christmas and a birthday for a child fall at the same time, and to add to that, Steve dislocated his knee badly, the van blower for the heater doesn't want to go, the sump pump is acting up, all that fun stuff. Nothing huge, nothing that cannot be handled, just all at once!!!!
Well, my goal is to try to post regularly, to share thoughts, funny stories, and build a community with like minded people. So, hopefully you will be hearing from us soon!!!!
By the way, the kids are all doing great! It has been just busy as all get out, but totally wonderful! I cannot express how grateful we are for our life and the blessings.
Some friends of ours just got word that they passed court for the two children they are adopting from Ethiopia!!!! One child has special needs (a limb difference) and the other is 18 months. Funny those things qualify both as "special needs".
Anyway, I am so stinkin' excited for them all. It looks like they will travel late January or early February to bring the darlings home. Of course at the very end of the process, there are a great many fees and expenses that come to bear. JJ has come up with some very creative fundraisers. If you would like to see her blog (it is great by the way) and consider some coffee, or wonderful adoption/love t-shirts please do visit. http://bethe7percent.blogspot.com Her blog is well worth your time!
I am hoping to purchase soon, just need to sort out and make sure I have things covered here! You know - Christmas and a birthday for a child fall at the same time, and to add to that, Steve dislocated his knee badly, the van blower for the heater doesn't want to go, the sump pump is acting up, all that fun stuff. Nothing huge, nothing that cannot be handled, just all at once!!!!
Well, my goal is to try to post regularly, to share thoughts, funny stories, and build a community with like minded people. So, hopefully you will be hearing from us soon!!!!
By the way, the kids are all doing great! It has been just busy as all get out, but totally wonderful! I cannot express how grateful we are for our life and the blessings.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Expectations and value
Hi,
This post was written in response to an email a friend sent me about "helicopter parenting". I feel like I really can comment on this with some amount of respect as many people have approached my husband and myself in public and commented on our children's behavior. We were just discussing it last night. We generally have been approached by total strangers two to three times a week in the last month. Clerks in stores, people in waiting rooms at doctor's offices, people in restraunts. It has really gotten us quite surprised because our kids behavior is far from perfect, but we are seeing a consistent response in public. Perhaps other parents just don't expect or train considerate and appropriate behavior.
Anyway, the post about helicopter parents today got me thinking and I just started jotting out our expectations and values. I sent it back to the friend who had sent me the email. And decided that I would post it here.
I don't think we are strange. I think we are working hard to do the best for our kids and family. It isn't rocket science and we certainly find that we make many mistakes, and I expect that there will be many more. As I type this I hear boys in the "boys dormitory" upstairs banging around and playing when they are supposed to be getting dressed - I am sure getting dressed is part of the equation, but not the only part! LOL! Kids are kids, we are all on a journey, but we are doing it together.
So, here were my comments:
Basically:
Allow your child to suffer the natural consequences of their actions.
Expect responsibility and good behavior. Have consequences for lapses in either.
Don't give them big ticket (or even small ticket) items that they did not earn - these things are not needed! They are poorer for just "getting them", they are richer for having earned them and worked hard.
Allow them to get the grades they earn. Help, but don't do their work for them or put word in their mouths!
Your family is a TEAM, and that means that each and every person in the family (no matter how big or small) contributes significantly to the success of the family - by doing something meaningful to help the family each and every day, and even better if it is several things! The last thing our kids need is to be waited and and feel useless or "non-contributing". The best thing for them is to know that they can make life better for everyone, that what they do helps or hurts everyone, that they can influence how their family life is.
Do things as a FAMILY. If someone is gifted in sports, then the family gets involved - the child isn't just shuttled there - and the child contributes to help earn the fees for the sports, or does something meaningful to compensate for the sacrifice of the family financially (it is not just GIVEN). Gifts need to be valued, by everyone. If someone is a gifted musician, then the rest of the family can help backstage, or with other folks kids while rehearsals go on, or with set up, AND simply enjoy and value the gift!
Limit electronics time. Don't let it take over real life - kids should be outside playing, playing games, having creative play - with parents and with siblings and friends. Real life projects, whatever, but not staring at a shiny box.
When friends spend hours on a social net work and complain that they are bored, your child should really be thinking "get a life - get off your butt and do something!". They should not be at loose ends every minute of every day. They should know how to set goals, to work on projects, to experience life!
When parents have to do things around the house or in the community, get the kids involved. If you are building a shed, even the littlest one can hand you nails, the bigger ones can learn the skills to build the entire thing if they do it along with you! If you are baking a pie - get a child involved! They can help you find things, pour them in - even the smallest child! And soon, before you know it, that child knows how to do it and can bless you, themselves and others with their prowess!
Rarely, rarely, rarely separate the family. Make it infrequent that a child or children does many things away from the family. Get involved in their activities. Not to hover, not to protect, but to live life. Don't allow talents and activities to separate the real foundation of our lives - our family. A child who is constantly gone to sleepovers, activities, etc, misses out on the riches of family life. They become not "integral" to the family unit, and really miss out on the learning that they need, and on building relationships. Have friends over to your house, host sleepovers and bonfires, etc.
If a child misbehaves, throws a tantrum, says something mean or hurtful, etc, they have hurt the family unit, even if someone else just overheard it. It hurts and inflicts discomfort on the family. This must be repaid, best through service. If you made us uncomfortable, whatever, then you need to do something kind to the family to repay the pain/discomfort. It brings home that a child's actions afffect more than just them. Kids in society today seem to think that they can blow a gasket and it doesn't hurt anyone. Well, that isn't true.
DO NOT SAY OR DO UNKIND THINGS! Even in play. It isn't funny. Calling names, saying hurtful things, is NOT joking, is not humor. It breaks down relationships, it causes hurt feelings, it separates people. It is so sad to see siblings setting out to hurt each other, or thinking that physical violence (or even inconsiderateness) is acceptable or a joke. It isn't and breaks down the family unit. Who wants to live in that kind of chaos? That should never be heard in the home or in the family unit. It is totally unacceptable and should be treated as such. There is nothing sadder than seeing siblings who don't seem to decide to be kind to each other. That is not respectful, teaches how they will interact with their own families-to-come, is just wrong and parents must not tolerate it. If someone does this, there must be a way to pay back for the misbehavior. Scolding is not enough, kindness must be acted out. Pain must be alleviated. I fully EXPECT my children to be kind and respectful to each other - that is how I want them to treat others and the people we love the most (our family) certainly should be treated better than strangers!!!!! If you hurt someone, you will make it up to them and just the word "sorry" is RARELY enough. Actions carry a message much better.
The worst gifts I can give my children are physical things. The best gifts are the gifts of belonging, being loved, being valued, being needed, being productive, being responsible, being helpful, and being who God has made them to be.
Activities are not the answer, enjoyment and family cohesiveness is. Learning give and take. Learning to treasure each other. Learning appropriate behavior. Learning respect. Learning to be a grown up. Learning that families are the safest place, where we can trust that we are each looking out for each other, that we will treat each other with respect, that we will live in kindness. Activities should involve everyone, not separate the family unit. We can all contribute - I can even contribute to soccer (I am not athletic anymore) by helping the coaches, the other families, entertaining the other younger kids spectators, etc. I can contribute to my husband's and kids' musical gifts by helping backstage, with productions, with set up, with other families, with getting music ready for them (if they ask), by helping to allow us all to enjoy the music, to teach us all to value and respect each other's gifts. Simply by being involved, finding a way for us all to be involved. That teaches respect, value, and love.
Christy
This post was written in response to an email a friend sent me about "helicopter parenting". I feel like I really can comment on this with some amount of respect as many people have approached my husband and myself in public and commented on our children's behavior. We were just discussing it last night. We generally have been approached by total strangers two to three times a week in the last month. Clerks in stores, people in waiting rooms at doctor's offices, people in restraunts. It has really gotten us quite surprised because our kids behavior is far from perfect, but we are seeing a consistent response in public. Perhaps other parents just don't expect or train considerate and appropriate behavior.
Anyway, the post about helicopter parents today got me thinking and I just started jotting out our expectations and values. I sent it back to the friend who had sent me the email. And decided that I would post it here.
I don't think we are strange. I think we are working hard to do the best for our kids and family. It isn't rocket science and we certainly find that we make many mistakes, and I expect that there will be many more. As I type this I hear boys in the "boys dormitory" upstairs banging around and playing when they are supposed to be getting dressed - I am sure getting dressed is part of the equation, but not the only part! LOL! Kids are kids, we are all on a journey, but we are doing it together.
So, here were my comments:
Basically:
Allow your child to suffer the natural consequences of their actions.
Expect responsibility and good behavior. Have consequences for lapses in either.
Don't give them big ticket (or even small ticket) items that they did not earn - these things are not needed! They are poorer for just "getting them", they are richer for having earned them and worked hard.
Allow them to get the grades they earn. Help, but don't do their work for them or put word in their mouths!
Your family is a TEAM, and that means that each and every person in the family (no matter how big or small) contributes significantly to the success of the family - by doing something meaningful to help the family each and every day, and even better if it is several things! The last thing our kids need is to be waited and and feel useless or "non-contributing". The best thing for them is to know that they can make life better for everyone, that what they do helps or hurts everyone, that they can influence how their family life is.
Do things as a FAMILY. If someone is gifted in sports, then the family gets involved - the child isn't just shuttled there - and the child contributes to help earn the fees for the sports, or does something meaningful to compensate for the sacrifice of the family financially (it is not just GIVEN). Gifts need to be valued, by everyone. If someone is a gifted musician, then the rest of the family can help backstage, or with other folks kids while rehearsals go on, or with set up, AND simply enjoy and value the gift!
Limit electronics time. Don't let it take over real life - kids should be outside playing, playing games, having creative play - with parents and with siblings and friends. Real life projects, whatever, but not staring at a shiny box.
When friends spend hours on a social net work and complain that they are bored, your child should really be thinking "get a life - get off your butt and do something!". They should not be at loose ends every minute of every day. They should know how to set goals, to work on projects, to experience life!
When parents have to do things around the house or in the community, get the kids involved. If you are building a shed, even the littlest one can hand you nails, the bigger ones can learn the skills to build the entire thing if they do it along with you! If you are baking a pie - get a child involved! They can help you find things, pour them in - even the smallest child! And soon, before you know it, that child knows how to do it and can bless you, themselves and others with their prowess!
Rarely, rarely, rarely separate the family. Make it infrequent that a child or children does many things away from the family. Get involved in their activities. Not to hover, not to protect, but to live life. Don't allow talents and activities to separate the real foundation of our lives - our family. A child who is constantly gone to sleepovers, activities, etc, misses out on the riches of family life. They become not "integral" to the family unit, and really miss out on the learning that they need, and on building relationships. Have friends over to your house, host sleepovers and bonfires, etc.
If a child misbehaves, throws a tantrum, says something mean or hurtful, etc, they have hurt the family unit, even if someone else just overheard it. It hurts and inflicts discomfort on the family. This must be repaid, best through service. If you made us uncomfortable, whatever, then you need to do something kind to the family to repay the pain/discomfort. It brings home that a child's actions afffect more than just them. Kids in society today seem to think that they can blow a gasket and it doesn't hurt anyone. Well, that isn't true.
DO NOT SAY OR DO UNKIND THINGS! Even in play. It isn't funny. Calling names, saying hurtful things, is NOT joking, is not humor. It breaks down relationships, it causes hurt feelings, it separates people. It is so sad to see siblings setting out to hurt each other, or thinking that physical violence (or even inconsiderateness) is acceptable or a joke. It isn't and breaks down the family unit. Who wants to live in that kind of chaos? That should never be heard in the home or in the family unit. It is totally unacceptable and should be treated as such. There is nothing sadder than seeing siblings who don't seem to decide to be kind to each other. That is not respectful, teaches how they will interact with their own families-to-come, is just wrong and parents must not tolerate it. If someone does this, there must be a way to pay back for the misbehavior. Scolding is not enough, kindness must be acted out. Pain must be alleviated. I fully EXPECT my children to be kind and respectful to each other - that is how I want them to treat others and the people we love the most (our family) certainly should be treated better than strangers!!!!! If you hurt someone, you will make it up to them and just the word "sorry" is RARELY enough. Actions carry a message much better.
The worst gifts I can give my children are physical things. The best gifts are the gifts of belonging, being loved, being valued, being needed, being productive, being responsible, being helpful, and being who God has made them to be.
Activities are not the answer, enjoyment and family cohesiveness is. Learning give and take. Learning to treasure each other. Learning appropriate behavior. Learning respect. Learning to be a grown up. Learning that families are the safest place, where we can trust that we are each looking out for each other, that we will treat each other with respect, that we will live in kindness. Activities should involve everyone, not separate the family unit. We can all contribute - I can even contribute to soccer (I am not athletic anymore) by helping the coaches, the other families, entertaining the other younger kids spectators, etc. I can contribute to my husband's and kids' musical gifts by helping backstage, with productions, with set up, with other families, with getting music ready for them (if they ask), by helping to allow us all to enjoy the music, to teach us all to value and respect each other's gifts. Simply by being involved, finding a way for us all to be involved. That teaches respect, value, and love.
Christy
Sunday, November 8, 2009
Sorry for the delay, life intervened.
Hi all,
I know that I promised a fun makeover post, and I nearly got it ready to go, and then well, life happened! It appears that over the last three weeks or less, we had a minor case of H1N1 go through the house. At first it was no big deal, two days of fevers, two or so of us at a time, then a productive cough. No big deal, it swept through the house and we all managed.
And then a week ago Kiley suddenly spiked a high temperature after having been fever free for five days.
Of course, along with that (for a child with diabetes) there are crazy blood sugars and the medical concerns that brings. We worked hard to manage it, but fevers got as high as 104, then came vomiting, huge lethargy, and horrible color. By Tuesday morning her fluid intake was dangerously low and she was throwing some ketones. I knew that I was now scared. I had to take her in, I was exhausted and done. I knew Steve wasn't quite there but all that kept running through my head was that the folks who are dying from this are those with "underlying medical conditions" which of course is Kiley.
I had her take a shower, knowing that she would feel a little better, plus it would give me time to assemble some things without her knowing that we were leaving. Sigh. Well, when I poked my head in to see how she was doing in the shower, she told me that she was noticing that she was having trouble breathing.
New development. Not a good one.
Add that to the fact that she had slept for the majority of the day, on the couch with life going on around her.
We left for the hospital Tuesday afternoon. Spent quite a few hours in the ER. They did blood work, chest xray, and began to figure out what was going on. Surprisingly, it wasn't a diabetes issue as we were all sure that she was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis - a very bad thing). Not at all, which means that we had done fairly well in a tough situation managing her diabetes. However....
She had significant pneumonia in both lungs and was dehydrated.
At first it looked like they would hydrate her, get antibiotics started via IV and then send us home. Her temperature wasn't bad, she had had tylenol and ibuprophen two hours before we left for the hospital.
And then it wore off.
Her temperature spiked and the child who had actually perked up, went back to looking deathly ill, color like concrete, very obviously very ill.
Within a very short time she was admitted to the hospital.
And we are still here on Sunday.
At first it looked like it would just be overnight. Then another 24 hours, and then another, and then, when we were hoping that we would be home for the weekend, though confined to the house - we were told it would be until at least Sunday morning.
Needless to say, given all that, it was a good indication of how sick Kiley was.
For literally many days she took next to nothing by mouth - literally nothing. Thank God for IV fluids.
Thursday she started to take some fluids consistently - only fluids, but fluids. Starbucks smoothies started it all. That company will forever have a place in my heart!!!!
Friday we got two bites of food late in the day, but only two bites. And we have literally tried everything - nurses jumping for anything they could think of, as well as mom and dad and all our friends - more emails, calls and texts wondering what she might like. No real avail.
Then yesterday morning she had a small muffin. I thought I would dance around the room!!!
But she filled up so fast. Nothing more went in, until the ibuprophen she got for her fever (it spiked again last night at five - it had been spiking every eight hours) kicked in and gave her quite the stomachache. She then tearfully took some saltines as the nurse and I hovered. But it helped.
About an hour later, she told me she was hungry (of course the dinner tray came, was refused by her and was gone). Her idea was a bagel - nurses were on the phone to the kitchen and one came up fast! I could not believe how quickly she ate it! Within a half hour the huge bagel was gone!!!! Then she asked for a Snapple - I ran down and got her two! And she drank one right away.
This morning she had bites of everything on her tray. Not much, but something. Then a cookie and some ice cream!
The labs done this morning show that things are improving, though more slowly than the doctor would like. There is also some pleural effusion - fluid outside of her lung - but it isn't changed. Her fever that spiked last night at 5 has not returned, at least not more than 99 degrees. Last night it got to 102. We were really hoping that she would be released after labs this morning, but the doctor wants to see her without fever until 6PM. They are concerned that something else, another infection, could be going on. So, we are still here. Kiley is disappointed and bored and worried.
As you can imagine, with eight kids in the family, now one kid and one parent at the hospital, it has been a difficult situation. Steve has been able to take sick time, so was home all week. My parents took the seven kids several times so Steve could be here with us for a while (thanks Mom and John - nothing like having seven kids at your house!!!!!). A family near us has taken the boys one night so Steve could take the little girls to the Father/Daughter Ball at church - and friends helped us outfit the girls in party dresses and tights and shoes!!! And the same family took the seven this morning as we had a big event at church that Steve had to be there for, and without a parent there, we just didn't want to send the kids with him (the event was at the KI Center and there were thousands of people there from our campus and the other two campuses). So, thank you so much Bretton family!!!! You have been so gracious and the kids have had an absolute ball!!! What a relief for these stressed parents!
I don't know how this will turn out today. I so want to be home. I so want my daughter to be well. I am still worried about her health, but she is light years better than she was just days ago. Now that things are improving, it is easier to see how bad things were. I am so grateful to God that we are not any worse off than we are. I do so wish we were home. But, she is in good hands here.
I greatly look forward to completing my project at home to being home>
I know that I promised a fun makeover post, and I nearly got it ready to go, and then well, life happened! It appears that over the last three weeks or less, we had a minor case of H1N1 go through the house. At first it was no big deal, two days of fevers, two or so of us at a time, then a productive cough. No big deal, it swept through the house and we all managed.
And then a week ago Kiley suddenly spiked a high temperature after having been fever free for five days.
Of course, along with that (for a child with diabetes) there are crazy blood sugars and the medical concerns that brings. We worked hard to manage it, but fevers got as high as 104, then came vomiting, huge lethargy, and horrible color. By Tuesday morning her fluid intake was dangerously low and she was throwing some ketones. I knew that I was now scared. I had to take her in, I was exhausted and done. I knew Steve wasn't quite there but all that kept running through my head was that the folks who are dying from this are those with "underlying medical conditions" which of course is Kiley.
I had her take a shower, knowing that she would feel a little better, plus it would give me time to assemble some things without her knowing that we were leaving. Sigh. Well, when I poked my head in to see how she was doing in the shower, she told me that she was noticing that she was having trouble breathing.
New development. Not a good one.
Add that to the fact that she had slept for the majority of the day, on the couch with life going on around her.
We left for the hospital Tuesday afternoon. Spent quite a few hours in the ER. They did blood work, chest xray, and began to figure out what was going on. Surprisingly, it wasn't a diabetes issue as we were all sure that she was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis - a very bad thing). Not at all, which means that we had done fairly well in a tough situation managing her diabetes. However....
She had significant pneumonia in both lungs and was dehydrated.
At first it looked like they would hydrate her, get antibiotics started via IV and then send us home. Her temperature wasn't bad, she had had tylenol and ibuprophen two hours before we left for the hospital.
And then it wore off.
Her temperature spiked and the child who had actually perked up, went back to looking deathly ill, color like concrete, very obviously very ill.
Within a very short time she was admitted to the hospital.
And we are still here on Sunday.
At first it looked like it would just be overnight. Then another 24 hours, and then another, and then, when we were hoping that we would be home for the weekend, though confined to the house - we were told it would be until at least Sunday morning.
Needless to say, given all that, it was a good indication of how sick Kiley was.
For literally many days she took next to nothing by mouth - literally nothing. Thank God for IV fluids.
Thursday she started to take some fluids consistently - only fluids, but fluids. Starbucks smoothies started it all. That company will forever have a place in my heart!!!!
Friday we got two bites of food late in the day, but only two bites. And we have literally tried everything - nurses jumping for anything they could think of, as well as mom and dad and all our friends - more emails, calls and texts wondering what she might like. No real avail.
Then yesterday morning she had a small muffin. I thought I would dance around the room!!!
But she filled up so fast. Nothing more went in, until the ibuprophen she got for her fever (it spiked again last night at five - it had been spiking every eight hours) kicked in and gave her quite the stomachache. She then tearfully took some saltines as the nurse and I hovered. But it helped.
About an hour later, she told me she was hungry (of course the dinner tray came, was refused by her and was gone). Her idea was a bagel - nurses were on the phone to the kitchen and one came up fast! I could not believe how quickly she ate it! Within a half hour the huge bagel was gone!!!! Then she asked for a Snapple - I ran down and got her two! And she drank one right away.
This morning she had bites of everything on her tray. Not much, but something. Then a cookie and some ice cream!
The labs done this morning show that things are improving, though more slowly than the doctor would like. There is also some pleural effusion - fluid outside of her lung - but it isn't changed. Her fever that spiked last night at 5 has not returned, at least not more than 99 degrees. Last night it got to 102. We were really hoping that she would be released after labs this morning, but the doctor wants to see her without fever until 6PM. They are concerned that something else, another infection, could be going on. So, we are still here. Kiley is disappointed and bored and worried.
As you can imagine, with eight kids in the family, now one kid and one parent at the hospital, it has been a difficult situation. Steve has been able to take sick time, so was home all week. My parents took the seven kids several times so Steve could be here with us for a while (thanks Mom and John - nothing like having seven kids at your house!!!!!). A family near us has taken the boys one night so Steve could take the little girls to the Father/Daughter Ball at church - and friends helped us outfit the girls in party dresses and tights and shoes!!! And the same family took the seven this morning as we had a big event at church that Steve had to be there for, and without a parent there, we just didn't want to send the kids with him (the event was at the KI Center and there were thousands of people there from our campus and the other two campuses). So, thank you so much Bretton family!!!! You have been so gracious and the kids have had an absolute ball!!! What a relief for these stressed parents!
I don't know how this will turn out today. I so want to be home. I so want my daughter to be well. I am still worried about her health, but she is light years better than she was just days ago. Now that things are improving, it is easier to see how bad things were. I am so grateful to God that we are not any worse off than we are. I do so wish we were home. But, she is in good hands here.
I greatly look forward to completing my project at home to being home>
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Extreme Home Makeover Oswald Edition!
I would have to say that my absolute favorite TV show is Home Makeover! I love it. I love seeing the amazing people out there and the wonderful things they do, and I so love seeing people coming together to really change lives. Thank goodness for Tivo as we don't always get to it when it is on, but it is definitely a weekly event around here.
We have watched it for years. And then as it turns out, we have been nominated three times, by three different people/organizations. That in and of itself is totally humbling. And a bit disturbing as we don't focus on the negative, but focus on doing life. And because you are hearing this on my blog, obviously we weren't selected. That's ok.
Not that it wouldn't be way, way cool and relieve a lot of various burdens, but really, who really gets that kind of thing happening in their life?
So, anyway, after watching the show tonight while working on the ironing (ugh), I got a silly bee in my bonnet. The kids talk about the show all the time and how neat it would be and what the house might be like and all. Well, since we are so focused on doing things ourselves, doing the best with what we have and all that, what if we (or me) just focused on doing things ourselves? Needless to say, it wouldn't be an entire house in seven days and we still will never take a vacation (never have but is sure sounds like a cool concept - but not in our lifetime!), but we always need to focus on doing what we CAN.
I am a really big one on doing what we CAN, whatever it is.
Our bathroom is nearly redone - don't laugh, when we moved in the plumbing for the shower was on the OUTSIDE of the wall. Now it is INSIDE the wall, the walls are tiled, the room repainted and it looks so much better. It still needs a new toilet and floor repairs, but that will most likely wait. The toilet sweats in humid weather, which has dripped onto the floor for so long, that the floor behind the toilet is, well, not exactly complete - no holes (but I'm not looking too closely) and it is sturdy and nothing moving. The plan is that the toilet will be replaced by one that doesn't sweat and the floor repaired and the hardwood restored.
However, we have one bathroom (yes, I know there are ten of us - but families years ago used to do it all the time) so the toilet cannot be out of commission for long at all. Hence the strategic planning.
And, we really, okay, I would really like for us to return to having a family closet - where everyone's clothes are in one place, the same room the laundry room is in - so, needless to say for us it would need to be large! Our current laundry room is about five feet by five feet at the most. It includes the washer, the dryer, and three baskets for sorting laundry. It is a bit of a hoot as you have to open the washer door first, then the dryer door to transfer clothes from one to another. There is very little open floor space, so only one person at a time can be in there - and it is one of the exits from the house - to the side yard and pastures.
There is no room in the house to relocate this either. With about 2100 square feet and ten of us, there isn't a lot to spare, not to mention the plumbing issues. The laundry room used to be a small back porch, converted now. Hey, at least it has a real door now! It used to have just a screen door and we had to plastic it shut in the winter to keep things warm. And the door from the laundry room to the house has to be open at all times in the winter so the washer doesn't freeze. LOL! But I am so grateful to have the laundry room at all - we went without for nine months and that was HORRIBLE. Laundromat. Need I say more??????
In the upstairs, there is one outlet. Not one working outlet, but one outlet. And only two light switches - the rest of the rooms have ceiling fans with lights that must be turned on by pull chains. Again, an improvement - when we moved in there were simply light bulbs hanging down by wires! Now, you have to remember there are eight kids up there, including our schoolroom. Not exactly functional! Oh, well. The other huge plan is that we will have an electrician out here to wire the upstairs. Add light switches and outlets!!! Wouldn't that be nice? We were able to get another used computer, which would be used intensely for school work, but as of yet, do not have a way to get it working upstairs unless we run and extension cord - and that isn't a long term solution. Maybe not even a short term solution - those cords make me nervous!!!
So, in reality - Ty is not going to show up on our doorstep - no matter how much the kids wish he would!!! LOL! So, we have to do what we can.
Here is our current extreme makeover:
My goal for the next three days is a redo of how I do ironing. Currently the ironing board is set up behind the piano in the middle of our living room, and the things needing to be ironed get hung on my eliptical so the wrinkles don't get any worse until I can get to things! LOL again. Here is our current situation:
Not so great, huh?
Not like there is space to have that where it is.
So, here is what I am promising - a "big reveal" tomorrow!!!!
Perhaps in life, the huge makeovers would be amazing, but they are unlikely to happen.
So, we can either wallow in frustration that it cannot just magically be better, or we can do something about it.
And sometimes, there will be things we cannot do anything about at this point in time (like the electrical upstairs, the bathroom downstairs or adding on to the house for a family closet). But, there are many things that we can take charge of and DO something about. Like the ironing pile. Obviously the laundry room cannot accomodate it, but I will have something new implemented by tomorrow night.
So, check back to see what has happened! It cannot be "move that bus!" so I will have to think of something else for fun!
Take "a lick at a snake" is a southern phrase that basically means that you can do it a little at a time.
Of course then I keep adding to the lists of the makeovers I want to do..... But that will have to wait - there is time and plans and energy for this makeover today and tomorrow. Another day, another makeover! I will have to see how creative I can be!
Have a blessed day, and do what you are able to do! "Blessings done imperfectly are still blessings". Don't get hung up on what you cannot do, or what you want to do, but look for what you CAN do today!
We have watched it for years. And then as it turns out, we have been nominated three times, by three different people/organizations. That in and of itself is totally humbling. And a bit disturbing as we don't focus on the negative, but focus on doing life. And because you are hearing this on my blog, obviously we weren't selected. That's ok.
Not that it wouldn't be way, way cool and relieve a lot of various burdens, but really, who really gets that kind of thing happening in their life?
So, anyway, after watching the show tonight while working on the ironing (ugh), I got a silly bee in my bonnet. The kids talk about the show all the time and how neat it would be and what the house might be like and all. Well, since we are so focused on doing things ourselves, doing the best with what we have and all that, what if we (or me) just focused on doing things ourselves? Needless to say, it wouldn't be an entire house in seven days and we still will never take a vacation (never have but is sure sounds like a cool concept - but not in our lifetime!), but we always need to focus on doing what we CAN.
I am a really big one on doing what we CAN, whatever it is.
Our bathroom is nearly redone - don't laugh, when we moved in the plumbing for the shower was on the OUTSIDE of the wall. Now it is INSIDE the wall, the walls are tiled, the room repainted and it looks so much better. It still needs a new toilet and floor repairs, but that will most likely wait. The toilet sweats in humid weather, which has dripped onto the floor for so long, that the floor behind the toilet is, well, not exactly complete - no holes (but I'm not looking too closely) and it is sturdy and nothing moving. The plan is that the toilet will be replaced by one that doesn't sweat and the floor repaired and the hardwood restored.
However, we have one bathroom (yes, I know there are ten of us - but families years ago used to do it all the time) so the toilet cannot be out of commission for long at all. Hence the strategic planning.
And, we really, okay, I would really like for us to return to having a family closet - where everyone's clothes are in one place, the same room the laundry room is in - so, needless to say for us it would need to be large! Our current laundry room is about five feet by five feet at the most. It includes the washer, the dryer, and three baskets for sorting laundry. It is a bit of a hoot as you have to open the washer door first, then the dryer door to transfer clothes from one to another. There is very little open floor space, so only one person at a time can be in there - and it is one of the exits from the house - to the side yard and pastures.
There is no room in the house to relocate this either. With about 2100 square feet and ten of us, there isn't a lot to spare, not to mention the plumbing issues. The laundry room used to be a small back porch, converted now. Hey, at least it has a real door now! It used to have just a screen door and we had to plastic it shut in the winter to keep things warm. And the door from the laundry room to the house has to be open at all times in the winter so the washer doesn't freeze. LOL! But I am so grateful to have the laundry room at all - we went without for nine months and that was HORRIBLE. Laundromat. Need I say more??????
In the upstairs, there is one outlet. Not one working outlet, but one outlet. And only two light switches - the rest of the rooms have ceiling fans with lights that must be turned on by pull chains. Again, an improvement - when we moved in there were simply light bulbs hanging down by wires! Now, you have to remember there are eight kids up there, including our schoolroom. Not exactly functional! Oh, well. The other huge plan is that we will have an electrician out here to wire the upstairs. Add light switches and outlets!!! Wouldn't that be nice? We were able to get another used computer, which would be used intensely for school work, but as of yet, do not have a way to get it working upstairs unless we run and extension cord - and that isn't a long term solution. Maybe not even a short term solution - those cords make me nervous!!!
So, in reality - Ty is not going to show up on our doorstep - no matter how much the kids wish he would!!! LOL! So, we have to do what we can.
Here is our current extreme makeover:
My goal for the next three days is a redo of how I do ironing. Currently the ironing board is set up behind the piano in the middle of our living room, and the things needing to be ironed get hung on my eliptical so the wrinkles don't get any worse until I can get to things! LOL again. Here is our current situation:
Not so great, huh?
Not like there is space to have that where it is.
So, here is what I am promising - a "big reveal" tomorrow!!!!
Perhaps in life, the huge makeovers would be amazing, but they are unlikely to happen.
So, we can either wallow in frustration that it cannot just magically be better, or we can do something about it.
And sometimes, there will be things we cannot do anything about at this point in time (like the electrical upstairs, the bathroom downstairs or adding on to the house for a family closet). But, there are many things that we can take charge of and DO something about. Like the ironing pile. Obviously the laundry room cannot accomodate it, but I will have something new implemented by tomorrow night.
So, check back to see what has happened! It cannot be "move that bus!" so I will have to think of something else for fun!
Take "a lick at a snake" is a southern phrase that basically means that you can do it a little at a time.
Of course then I keep adding to the lists of the makeovers I want to do..... But that will have to wait - there is time and plans and energy for this makeover today and tomorrow. Another day, another makeover! I will have to see how creative I can be!
Have a blessed day, and do what you are able to do! "Blessings done imperfectly are still blessings". Don't get hung up on what you cannot do, or what you want to do, but look for what you CAN do today!
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